tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80760349615375424212024-03-13T19:16:23.507-05:00Musician...Mommy...MAYHEM!This is a story of a woman named Larissa... Musician, Actress, Author, Artist... who married, got pregnant, became somewhat home-bound, lost touch with chunks of life, lost a bit more of her sanity, moved back "home" to be with her COMPLETELY dysfunctional family... and lived to tell the tale. For now. =)Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.comBlogger203125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-38394725805704945402009-07-24T15:50:00.000-05:002009-07-24T15:50:44.638-05:00DrowningI haven't written here in so long, I'm not quite sure how to lay claims to a starting place. <br />
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Going back to school has consumed SO much of me, agreeing to take an extra class and pushing my courses to 6 credits past full-time every term from now on, unless I scream "Stop!" at my advisory board. Amazingly, I am still managing a 'A' average across all my course, and have remained on the President's List at Kaplan.<br />
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Having a bit more time to focus on something other than criminal and constitutional law, criminological assessments and theory, and the general state of deprivation of our country would be a fabulous thing. I imagine that every waking minute that is not devoted to some form of schoolwork is consumed by Greyson - and with attitude he has developed as of late, is a LOT of time.<br />
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I NEED to get going with the rest of my training to become a medical transcriptionist, but I cannot find the motivation to jump in with both feet in the rare occassions that I am not otherwise engulfed to my eyeballs. It's been SO hard, and I'm amazed that I haven't collapsed in a corner yet - not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind.<br />
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This past weekend, we had to make the long drive to Roscommon, Michigan to attempt the creation of an estate for my late great-uncle, as well as retrieve anything of importance from his house. I knew it would be rough, but I suppose I didn't quite prepare myself for the items that I could come across that dealt with more than just his passing - photos of the grandfather I never got to meet, photos of my dad when he was still able to hold Greyson, numerous photos of my grandmother where it has been discovered that SOMEHOW, we share a slight resemblance. Photos of funerals. Funerals of MANY loved ones. Even things like the grave markers of my uncle's two favorite cats out near the woods. Yikes.<br />
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Overall, the trip was a needed getaway, though not without its stressors. Greyson unleashed his fury at least ONE of the nights at the hotel, as well as in the car on our journey home, and I can assure you it was far from pleasant. I think my body is finally closer to being fully recovered from an uncomfortable mattress for three nights combined with the sheer hell of driving 16 hours between Thursday and Sunday. I may even be underestimating the time a bit, at this point, I couldn't give you an accurate estimate if I tried.<br />
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The biggest crisis (at least in my case)? NO WIFI. Yep, the WiFi I should have had was apparently out of service the entire stay... which meant nothing less than being unable to access any form of my college login, nor do any research for the papers that I had due shortly after returning home. In fact, I'm STILL a bit behind - but luckily not behind enough where it has changed my grade. So that's still a bonus, I suppose.<br />
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I have generally had SO much on my mind lately, both with my own things, as well as situations with others. I can only imagine the personal hells that some of my nearest and dearest are going through right now, and it pains me that I can only do so much, and that I cannot be a shoulder more often than truth. It is truly times like these where I know who knows that I think of them DAILY, and also come to the sad conclusions on those who apparently don't. The worst part is that I no longer have any energy beyond what I have already shown in order to convince anyone to take a second look. I'm done, I'm spent.<br />
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Perhaps, I'll find some new footing soon. In all likelihood, I won't. Should I even care? I don't think that I can manage to focus on much more than making my success happen, and the world that my son relies on is consistent and happy. I can't put him through having a miserable mommy, and damned if I will let anything stand on my way of getting to where I want to be for myself, either. I'm counting down the courses I have left, and the end is in sight. Next summer should entertain my last course - at least as far as my Bachelors is concerned. At this point, I'm considering a short reprieve with working only before tackling my Masters. I truly do have the goal to work for the FBI, and at the very least, I WILL barrel my way down the path I need to in order to TRY.<br />
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For now, all I can hope for is that I can get in some good breaths in the midst of the waves crashing around me right now. Those who don't support me can gladly get out of my way.Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-67477380611564233372009-06-19T08:14:00.000-05:002009-06-19T08:14:53.258-05:00It's no wonder that I like so few people...There has been some CRAZY shit going down lately, and I just cannot, for the life of me, figure out what anyone is gaining from the situation. Not the people starting it, not the people continuing it... and especially not the people caught up in the tornado that has formed between the two.<br />
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At what age do people seriously finally accept that high school is OVER? That no one really GIVES a shit anymore... or at least, SHOULDN'T?<br />
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Sheesh. Makes me wanna go all Dexter on people... it's a DAMN good thing that some qualify for special "non-typical-humanity" status, because the state of humanity? Is piss poor.<br />
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Yikes.Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-1118757931287742622009-05-30T02:11:00.000-05:002009-05-30T02:11:28.020-05:00I have a favor to ask.Can someone send out a memo specifically addressed to my brain that it is not, I repeat, NOT allowed to test the breaking point of my skull by trying to escape its confines? It's a tad painful, to put it mildly.<br />
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Thanks.<br />
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Oh yeah, and make sure to staple a copy of today's TPS report to it, and come in on Sunday. Yeahhhh...Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-77981763109437684862009-05-28T01:39:00.000-05:002009-05-28T01:39:05.313-05:00Sigh of Relief...Thank goodness, this term of school is OVER!!! Terrorism final essay - check. Stupid flurking Algebra final - check... even though that bastard of a class (which my final grade is a whopping B - I'm pissed, but at least it's not a C) has killed my college 4.0 GPA. Aaarrrrgh!<br />
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Now, I have 2 weeks off. Until I enter a deeper level of hell which is tackling THREE courses per term instead of the standard two. So, I'm going from full-time to MORE than full-time... WILLINGLY! I think I'm literally crazy. Right now I'm looking at Constitutional Law, Criminology, and Social Problems. I already TOOK Sociology at the 200 level, so that one shouldn't be too much of a problem at the 300 level. But, I have yet ANOTHER law class. And the following term? Yes, you guessed it - yet ANOTHER law class, Legal Foundations of Criminal Evidence, paired up with Bioethics and Forensic Fingerprint Analysis.<br />
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Yummy!<br />
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Don't get me wrong - I LOVE what I am doing, and I get absolutely giddy when I think about the career that I am heading towards. It's just a battle through new territory, since my first college major? Was MUSIC PERFORMANCE. Yeah. I can honestly say that I have gone a complete 180. Woo boy.<br />
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In other news, I'm ready to take a hit out on Mother Nature. It's almost JUNE, and all week? It hasn't been a single degree warmer than 65 - and THAT'S highballing it. It's been raining and yucky for days now, and DAMN if I don't desperately need some sun! Mother Nature had honestly better get her shit together in the next week and a half, because driving up to BooFoo Michigan will NOT be a fun time simply because of my mission (dealing with my great-uncle's estate, gathering any belongings from "the old country," etc), but if I have to deal with rain and non-summer-like temperatures? The people at the Probate Court had better hope they've got some medieval armor waiting in the back just for encounters like the one they will have with me.<br />
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All week, my brain has been a bit fuzzy - like I'm walking through a haze of confusion. A lot of things just don't seem to make sense once you scratch past the surface. Mercury in retrograde - okay, I get that - but, really? Does it have to fuck with me THIS badly? C'mon - it took me FOUR FRIGGIN' HOURS to take my Algebra final. Ouch. I really should NOT have been staring at quadratic formulas and shit for that long.<br />
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I just hope that Greyson actually sleeps through the night tonight, and doesn't decide to start his day at 6am again. That shit's NOT fun - especially when he was waking me up crying at LEAST every hour all. night. long. Damn. *sigh*Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-83874706500254537572009-05-11T18:54:00.002-05:002009-05-11T18:54:51.951-05:00Damnit.My Algebra class is going to KILL my GPA. Bye bye 4.0. *sigh*<br />
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I'll be lucky to get a B as a final grade in the class. Rrrrraaaaaahhhhh!<br />
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That is all.Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-84365709867607130292009-05-09T12:43:00.000-05:002009-05-09T12:43:12.725-05:00The Dangers of Coming HomeSo, I've been slacking. I know, I know, what else is new, right?<br />
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A week ago, I was basking in the glory that is Phoenix, Arizona. What I wouldn't give for some of that sun again right now! Here in Chicago, it's only 55 degrees (again) and looks like it is going to storm. Tomorrow is supposed to be just as dreary, just as gloomy, and it's doing NOTHING for my sense of motivation.<br />
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What I AM surprised about is how fantastically dark and skin-cancer-risking I got in only 2 1/2 days in sunny AZ. Wow. I guess I just haven't had such a great dose of sun in quite a long time - it's almost harder to hit up some sun here at home than it is out there simply out of the humidity aspect. For the love of all that's holy, it's 98% here right now! Yuck!!!<br />
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Also, I only have about 2 1/2 weeks of class left this term. While I will be happy to see Algebra and Counter-Terrorism go the way of the Mammoth, in June I have elected to take THREE courses at once instead of the general full-term enrollment of only two - and I think that I might lose my mind a little bit more each day. Especially since MetalliDad has just had his practices switched from Tuesdays to Wednesdays, and, of course, I have back-to-back classes on Wednesday nights. So, not only do I have to apply myself to seminar, but I have to find something to keep the Munchkin occupied during that two hours each week. I think I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew, but I want desperately to just GET that degree done, and move on to my Masters degree... the sooner the better! Besides which, I need some BANK! LOL<br />
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We'll see how things go! I'm off to work on a paper for that dreaded Counter-Terrorism class - wish me luck!Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-25558603820638310702009-04-15T13:05:00.000-05:002009-04-15T13:05:35.818-05:00The Near Disaster of Jury DutyYes, folks... I was called in for Jury Duty at the early hour of 8am on Monday morning, to be immediately called to a courtroom for what would be an intense *2 days* of deliberations over which jury members to keep. I got plopped in the jury box with the first random call, only to find out that the case was an appeal on a VERY high-profile murder trial from 1992. The problem? I knew not only the twin sister of the deceased (I had met her shortly after the murder), but also know the sister of the man on trial.<br />
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Wow. At the end of Tuesday, I was dismissed to re-join the general pool of jurors, since this week is apparently a *very* busy week at the County Courthouse.<br />
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I had *almost* wished to remain on the panel, if for no other reason than experience in my upcoming career as a Crime Scene Investigator... but how in the world can you be completely unbiased considering personal knowledge of both families involved???<br />
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Not only that, but MANY people that I know today were VERY close to either the sisters or the accused. I know that I will be following this case closely over the estimated three weeks that it is scheduled to take before a verdict has been reached.<br />
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I am home from duty all day today, but still have to phone in this evening to find out if I need to report tomorrow... and do the same for Friday, as well. I'm hoping for either a relief from all duties for the rest of the week, or at least to be utilized for another interesting case. God only knows what may lie in store behind a different set of courtroom doors...<br />
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I DO wish the friends, family, and acquaintances of BOTH parties peace throughout the next few weeks and beyond... I cannot even imagine what any of them may be going through...<br />
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XOXOLarissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-20259408351103898902009-04-11T16:13:00.000-05:002009-04-11T16:13:35.010-05:00200th Post, Say What?Wow. Ahem. I had no idea I had written so much already.<br />
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Moving on...<br />
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Wednesday night, I had a polysomnography done, or in layman's terms, an overnight sleep study with more electrodes attached to my scalp, face, chest, shoulders. legs... you get the point... than I had ever imagined. I think the number topped off at *24*. And I had to SLEEP like that, with leads coming off of every point, and a nasal cannula & respiratory sensor in/on my nose. Nice.<br />
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Needless to say, even with the current dose of sleep meds, I only got about 5 hours of sleep. *sigh*<br />
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The good news? That I should have SOME clue as to why I have to be drugged to sleep (and also why only ONE medication has even come close to "fixing" my insomnia, albeit with ever-increasing doses), and also why most nights, before I *do* fall asleep, I feel like my body is going into muscle spasms, flinging legs and arms into twitchy, uncomfortable, relentless movement until I finally close my eyes. And I should find out by the 20th or so.<br />
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Of course, my follow-up appointment isn't until the 28th, but... well, such is life. Actually, that reminds me, I need to call and re-schedule ANOTHER follow-up I have that they set for May 1st with another of my multitude of doctors. Heh, I'll be in Phoenix that day. =)<br />
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In the spirit of adding more medical care to my repetoire than I ever thought humanly possible for someone who is still able to walk, talk, and breathe, I also need to call a podiatrist. Yippee, fun... and I can't even see the doctor I used to work for, since he doesn't accept our insurance. No, I have to find a NEW doctor to poke, prod, squeeze, and X-ray my feet. My damned right foot has been a constant source of pain for, oh, the last three to four weeks? And instead of getting better like I convinced myself it would, the last few days have been a REAL doozy, causing me to only walk on the INSIDE of my foot, and making for a really *fun* looking gait. It's wonderous, I tell you... I'm just trying to figure out WHAT I did to it, since I'm SO beyond buying that it could in any way related to my fibromyalgia. That just doesn't add up.<br />
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By the way, can I just add, WTF? Because it's not enough that with the fibro, I have random, body-encompassing pain to some degree daily, but also digestive issues, headaches, jaw issues, dental issues, sleep issues... but now, one of the ONLY parts of my body that ISN'T affected? Yep, my foot takes a dive and decides to join the gang in causing me more personal grief.<br />
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Greyson, on the other hand, is becoming a monster. No, not the previously-discussed "scream at you for an hour just because I feel like it" monster, but rather, of the growing and eating and OH MY GOD YOU HAVE AN APPETITE kind. I'm pretty much convinced that he has gained two pounds in the last few weeks, and both his hands and feet has grown noticeably in less than a week's time. Apparently, with Spring, not only do the plants and flowers grow, but also, little boys.<br />
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He has given his reading a HUGE leap ahead, and now attempts to sound out new words in a seamless fashion, rather than the typical "little kid" syllabic-chunk way. He's learned to zip his own coats and jackets now, too, making headroom in the fine motor department. His letters and numbers look a bit better each day, making me wonder just WHAT it is that has carried him this far.<br />
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I cannot take the credit for it, I have never sat down to teach him unless he has started on his own. I have wanted to foster a childhood in him that is all too easily surpassed in a world where everything seems to be done earlier and sooner and where children look three years older than their actual age before they even ht puberty. No, I cannot take any of the credit... but I certainly find myself fearing that I will shoulder some, if not all of the blame in time.<br />
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I find myself both overglowingly proud and also frightened as he surpasses new things, seemingly, each time I glance his way. I don't want him to miss a minute of the glory that is being a child, and yet, somehow, I know that in some ways, he will. No matter what I do, because he has accomplished all these things that grab at my heart and bring tears to my eyes no matter what I HAVEN'T done. He has perfectly and completely become HIMSELF, seamlessly and effortlessly, all a part of his own, special world... and I am amazed, proud, and choked up at each little segment of this little man's personality and strength.<br />
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Somehow, I cannot remember, no matter how hard I try, to figure out just how we have reached this point - him quickly encroaching upon three and a half, and me, stumbling to find my footing at 28. Each day is filled with a melange of near each emotion I can fathom, and nothing could have *ever* prepared me for this moment in time, this witnessing of *my* child growing more and more into himself every day.<br />
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And even knowing what I know now, this all will do nothing to prepare me for another child in the future, if ever and whenever that day comes. It's like trying to describe a faultless sunset, or the breathtaking beauty that is the northern lights over the phone to someone who can't see through to the outside... each time you try, you feel a bit more secure in your findings, but never truly prepared for what new color or ribbon of light always seems to slip into view just a second later.<br />
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I only know that the moments I feel tears start to sting my eyes are far more in the way of pride and overwhelming joy mean much, much more that those when the burn is from a moment felt in sorrow or pain. My son has taught me that no matter *what* I have or haven't done, that he will keep on going, smiling and showing the world that he is on his way through, changing all he touches.<br />
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Happy Easter, Happy Spring... it is so easy to take what we have for granted in a world where others have much worse things to face. Many, many wishes for healing to Heather and Mike, who lost their precious daughter Maddie this past Tuesday. Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-64495390906200178802009-04-06T14:12:00.002-05:002009-04-06T14:14:44.170-05:00I. HATE. BLOGGER.Well, I HAD just finished a nice, long post...<br /><br />Only to have blogger delete it, and act like it never existed.<br /><br />Time to go bury my head under a rock.<br /><br />And it was all full of light and happiness, too! (Okay, well SOME light and happiness... LOL)<br /><br />Damnit. It's one of THOSE days, isn't it?Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-59506835801192593152009-04-05T20:51:00.000-05:002009-04-05T20:51:11.676-05:00What the... SNOW? Seriously?!?!?!So, it just stopped *blizzarding* here. I know... snow? A week before Easter. Yippee. Meanwhile, Greyson stands at the window and proclaims his hatred for the damned white stuff. I did *not* create a snow-loving little man.<br />
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Next up, we have me (hi!) avoiding my College Algebra work and Terrorism paper for this week like the plague. I don't know... when the problem that I attempted in the initial classwork came out SO off base, and the discussion question for the week in Terrorism made me twitch a little with it's "eschatological thinking" in its use of al-Qaeda recruitment... Yeah. Not really looking to dive into any of it right away.<br />
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Lastly? I have the initial appointment made for the sleep study I have been referred for on Tuesday, as well as blood work to check my thyroid on Wednesday. My psych is *really* confused by my body's reaction to, essentially, 25% of the caloric intake I *should* be consuming, yet no downward fluctuation in my weight. Actually, I have *gained* weight... so yep... she's thinking that all signs are pointing towards possible hypothyroidism. I wonder how many MORE pills that would mean I would have to take daily... can I up my numbers to 16? Maybe a nice, round 20? I know that 15 pills a day currently is just WAY to comfortable right now... (gag).<br />
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Oh! And that doesn't even count the highly likely cholesterol meds (at least for a short while) since one of the meds I have been taking for sleep (in ever-increasing dosages!) has jacked up my cholesterol - AND my blood pressure! But hopefully, that will remedy on its own without more medication. I HOPE.<br />
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I suppose I should also call my neurologist tomorrow to try and get into see him, too... since it's been almost a month since my MRI. That will either add a spinal surgery or just even MORE medication to my regime. YUMMY!<br />
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Gah, what I wouldn't give for the body (and the endurance, for the love of everything holy!!) that I had, say eight, 10 years ago?!? Hells bells. Eight years ago, 4 hours of sleep a night was REFRESHING. Now, if I'm LUCKY to even get that much, I feel like I have a sandbox in each eye, and leaden weights tied to each limb.<br />
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I wish I could play football again. I wish I could tear up the volleyball courts without feeling like my muscles were going on strike and just plain LEAVING my body. Hell, I wish I could jog a half mile and know I wouldn't be feeling like I was 60 afterwards. *sigh*<br />
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I wish I had nothing to bitch about. Of course, I could just NOT complain... but you know, I just don't remember signing up for this shit. I'm actively trying to take a better mental grasp of things, but when, at the end of the day, I feel like I have bruises covering 75% of my body... it really just doesn't seem fair, I guess. The only thing that I *have* been grateful for, medically, is the fact that (at least in the case of my Fibromyalgia) it's not deteriorating... but the pain at times can *really* fool you into feeling like it is.<br />
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And this damn snow in April DOES. NOT. HELP. AT. ALL.<br />
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Mother Nature can take the crap BACK.Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-15657900912328382352009-03-31T00:25:00.000-05:002009-03-31T00:25:24.212-05:00Tee Hee!Okay people... first, I was BURIED in snow ON MY BIRTHDAY. IN CHICAGO. On the 29th of MARCH. Has Mother Nature forgotten what time of year it is because we changed the daylight savings dates?!?!?<br />
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And then, I got to spend my birthday in the hospital with Ralph. Looking at a foot with only 4 toes. YUM. Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE feet?!?! And this is even talking the normal, 5-toed variety. Joy.<br />
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BUT! He got to come home today!! Yippee! Of course, he's hobbling a bit, but my god, he has NO PAIN. If I had a toe cut off, I'd be in pain. Wouldn't YOU be in pain? But nope - for him? Nada. Lucky man.<br />
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I'm hoping that Ralph's return will change Grey's behavior some. He's been, well... not so nice. Today, he wasn't cranky... he was just plain CRAZY!! I haven't seen him this goofy in a LONG time... and it was ALL day!! He was near tears because he wanted GRITS for dinner. Yep. He cried because no one was JUMPING up to make them at that VERY MOMENT, and he ate almost two full packets of them. Weirdo. I offered him ravioli... he wanted GRITS. Sometimes I wonder about that boy... I guess he got a good dose of his Papa in him, since he was raised down south. Who knows?!?!<br />
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AND! I have actual tickets booked for a SOLO trip to Arizona the first weekend of May... I cannot WAIT! I'm determined to come home TAN. Last year when I was out there, the weather was like here in April... So, no tan then. COMPLETE. DETERMINATION. THIS TIME. Heh.<br />
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I have a meds followup tomorrow, because obviously? I am NOT asleep, and it is after midnight. And I have had to hit backspace 11,000 times already. So, I'm awake, but not quite coherent. Shouldn't that mean I'm TIRED? Ah, but no... my body screams, "SLEEP IS NOT A WORD IN YOUR VOCABULARY!!!" almost every night. So, off I go to see what comes next. Can you believe I had a brief conversation over the phone with my doctor about Xyrem (which I found out is fucking GHB!!!!????) to make me sleep?!?! I hope there's a step BEFORE that... I mean, I guess I could sell it for income... No, no... that wouldn't look too good while trying to get my CSI degree. Heh. HEH HEH, even.<br />
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I'm gonna go try and hypnotize myself to sleep with boring, late night TV. Hope you all had a better past few days than me!!<br />
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XOXOLarissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-55300799509903452202009-03-23T03:34:00.000-05:002009-03-23T03:34:09.397-05:00Well, Things Haven't Quite Gone As Planned...There was no lunch date with the hubby - he didn't wake up until 1:30pm, so that idea was a tad shot out of the water. He didn't check into the hospital yet, either - he is going tomorrow (Monday). I sincerely hope that he called his doctor (since he was given his cell number) to make sure that pre-admission arrangements are made, so this can all go more smoothly. Otherwise, he's going to have a LONG wait in admissions while they try to get a hold of the doctor and find a room and bed for him. *sigh*<br />
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Greyson had an... interesting day today. Hubby punished him for his behavior Saturday night (while Daddy wasn't home) all because he had told him before he left that he had "better behave for Mommy," and his attitude pretty much plummeted shortly after Ralph packed up and took off for his show. He did an amazing job of sitting on the bed, though (I still let him watch a movie).<br />
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Later on, he was made to sit in his chair (by Dad) because of not listening. All he had to do was apologize, and the stubborn little stinker sat there for a good 45 minutes before he would apologize... and then, only to me. While I got the biggest hugs in the world, he said that he was "upset with Daddy because he yelled and spanked his butt." Well, can't argue there - be we did talk about how Daddy didn't do these things while he was behaving, so it wasn't *too* fair to be upset enough to not apologize, and that if he apologized, I'm sure that Daddy would, too.<br />
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Greyson *finally* apologized to Ralph. Ralph did not. Eh.<br />
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On the lighter side, I have in the works a FABULOUS vacation being planned out, just me, to get away for at least a LITTLE bit, to sunny Arizona, courtesy of my BESTEST Bea. (Love you, hon!!!) She's covering my flight as a birthday present... and I couldn't be happier. It's such a great gesture, that I am going to have to load myself with something *extra* special to bring along with me!! I truly canNOT wait... but even knowing that it IS going to happen helps lighten the load a little. I felt absolutely refreshed after visiting last March, that I know this will be great for my mind, body, and soul... and believe me, they ALL need it! =)<br />
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Greyson is BLOWING me away EVERY. DAY. by bringing me books... and then reading him themself. He still has a bit of trouble with BRAND new words sometimes, because those PESKY vowels have two sounds, and he can't always decide which one is the *right* one. I mean, C'MON! Who made up THAT rule anyways?!? hehehehe<br />
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I will have to scan and post a letter he wrote me... Greyson Loves Mom. Is that enough to melt your heart, or what? I constantly find pieces of paper around the house adorned with his adorable rendition of his name... and am SOOO proud of how well he has developed in forming his letters, with little help at all!!! SOMEONE is helping this kid out, once again... I suppose I may be able to look at the stars and thank my grandma, my mother-in-law, and my Mamaw... I'm sure it's not the first time, and I can pretty much be assured it's not the last. =)<br />
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SO, we are starting a new week... a HECTIC week, as one would have it, but a NEW week anyhow... we'll see how this one pans out! *crossing fingers* It's almost ALWAYS an issue when Grey KNOWS that Daddy is not going to be around, as apparently, he has taken the role of "The Punisher" now in Grey's mind, and Mommy is one whose buttons need to be pushed, prodded, and sometimes JAMMED, just to see what he can get away with. Nice to know that SOME part of him is truly still three, as frustrating as that is daily anyhow!!!<br />
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I *do* need to fill out the paperwork to enroll him in our school district's preschool program... and then will come "the testing." I'm almost afraid to hear what they will tell me, especially knowing most of the psychologists in the school system!!! I'm sure that the entire process will be an adventure!!! =P<br />
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XOXO!Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-84397870911159235322009-03-21T22:08:00.000-05:002009-03-21T22:08:16.516-05:00As the weekend begins...It ends, too. REALLY fast, apparently. Ralph has a show tonight in Joliet, so he has been gone since about 5pm. Greyson *lost it* and instead of getting the USUAL "Movie Night" that we have on nights where Daddy has a show, he instead got sent to bed at 7pm instead of 9. I KNOW I'm probably going to regret it in the morning, but he SOOOOO needed to just go to sleep!!!<br />
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Tomorrow, I am *hoping* to be able to at least go out to lunch with Ralph, since Thursday was our anniversary... which, unfortunately, went unacknowledged until I asked about lunch Sunday last night. He's checking into the hospital Sunday evening / afternoon, so it's pretty much the last chance we'll get to spend time together for who knows HOW long... it all depends on how long they want him there for IV antibiotics, and if they decide that the infection level is low enough for surgery NOW (or if it's even needed), or if he has to come back AGAIN after a super-long course of IV antibiotics, even at home, since they'll be sending him home with a PICC line again, just like when we found out he was diabetic almost 2 years ago. *sigh*<br />
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I recently reconnected with an old friend from school, who invited me into a monthly playgroup, essentially comprised of all women I went to high school with... and I'm JAZZED! It's something that, I think, is desperately needed both for Greyson and for me - we are both feeding off of each other's cabin fever, and the stress levels get *rather* high.<br />
<br />
I hardly ever get out anymore... seriously. I'm lucky if I'm away from the house once a week, and even then it's usually a doctor's appointment of some sort. I really, REALLY need to find some sort of motivation, because I think I've only consumed *maybe* 500 a day for the last week or more, and yet, with the meds, I've gained weight according to my last Dr. visit. Luckily, they are testing my thyroid, because ONE of my doctors really thinks that there is a problem there. LUCKY ME! Just one more pill to take, one more medical condition to tack on to my long list of ailments.<br />
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God, I hope Greyson keeps his AWESOME immunity and health... I am SO afraid of him becoming diabetic, even if it's as late as Ralph was diagnosed. Other than that, the only thing I can foresee is that I think he inherited the extra vertebra where the cervical spine becomes the thoracic... My dad has it, and so do I. Yippee!<br />
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I need sleep. I don't know how well that will fare, but I need to try. Luckily, I have a "med review" on the 31st, and there's been talk of some pretty serious changes to what I have to take daily. 13 pills a day as it is, let's see what we can get up to next!!! =P<br />
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Wish me a better day tomorrow than today!! =) XOXOLarissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-52140736713029261722009-03-17T15:01:00.000-05:002009-03-17T15:01:33.719-05:00Such a Beautiful Day Outside, Such a Grievous and Chaotic Day Inside...It is actually 70 degrees outside right now. Here. March in Chicago and it's NOT. SNOWING.<br />
<br />
I haven't been able to get Greyson outside yet today, because I've been spending part of the day grieving a bit for an old school friend who, as of last notification, shot and killed himself yesterday. That's the only information that I have, and it seems that everyone I know that was still in touch with him is at a standstill as far as information goes.<br />
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Another part of my day has been spent looking for the mysterious disappearing chicken, who, even after digging through two separate freezers, twice each, until I could no longer feel my fingertips, was still missing... until I went back to the first freezer and GEE WHIZ! It's in a DIFFERENT color bag than I was TOLD it was in, and I found it - after wasting a good 30-45 minutes of my day of trying to find it and then ALSO discovering that the corned beef I was going to make? YEAH... all the makings for it got FROZEN. So, dinner prep was a bit of a panic with a three year old who has decided that Mommy is NO longer boss of HIM running around and making me lose what little bit of sanity I have left.<br />
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The good news? This term of college is DONE... finals and all. And once again, PRAISE the friggin EVERYTHING (LOL) I am walking away with another 4.0. WHEW!!! I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull it off this term (friggin LAW class!), but FINALLY - I'm done.<br />
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Now I have Intermediate Algebra and Terrorism Today to tackle starting the 25th. JOY!!! =X<br />
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Now, honestly, I need to throw this question out here, because I'm hoping that someone, ANYONE, will have insight for me.<br />
<br />
WHAT do you do with a three year old boy, who is reading and trying his hand at writing rather well, considering, that decides that, suddenly, one day, he is "the BOSS, and will do whatever (he) feels like or will say whatever (he) feels like saying?!?!?!" Seriously people. I am at my wit's end, seemingly, ONCE again, wondering just WHAT this kid is trying to DO to me! No punishment touches him - he gets things taken from him, both actual physical items as well as privileges, he gets stuck in time out, he gets spankings (and even THESE don't phase him, so they are pretty much no longer used)... I'm lost.<br />
<br />
He almost consistently wakes up too early, but absolutely WILL NOT NAP... I KNOW that part of the issue is him being overtired... but when an attempted nap time turns into nothing more than a screaming match... is it really worth it?? I can't just wait until he is THAT tired where he'll fall asleep without fighting, because that's pretty much DINNERTIME. And then he will literally stay awake until at least 1 am. No joke.<br />
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I feel myself getting stressed out more and more every day, and it's not helping matters - I KNOW this. But it's harder and harder to gain control of the "take a deep breath and count to 10" kinda deal. I just... get LOST in the moment and have no clue as to what step to take next. I am trying to grasp tight to the notion that "Nobody Can Hurt Me Without My Permission" - but my GOD, is that difficult sometimes!!<br />
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As it stands, my blood pressure, which is normally so low that, while in labor, they thought I was going to pass out because the combination of my normally low pressure and the effects of the medication brought it to a staggering 80/52... last night, my BP was 157/96. I thought I was going to blow a gasket just looking at that number - I have NEVER had high blood pressure in my LIFE... and now suddenly THIS creeps up out of NOWHERE? Something's not right... and something needs to be done SOON.<br />
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I had a 2nd MRI... and I have yet to make a followup with the neurologist. WHY? Because I'm SCARED. Either I'm having surgery, or I'm being sent to yet ANOTHER pain clinic, except this time it's not PT, it's alternate drug therapies... Neither sounds fun, believe me. <br />
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I also have to determine when, if EVER, is a good time to start looking for internships. I'm pretty much positive THAT'S not going to happen until the Fall or later, when I can get Greyson going in preschool... it's just... NOT gonna work right now, that's for sure.<br />
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*sigh* I'm stressed out TYPING this! I need to try and take a breather...Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-27469812882736152812009-03-09T01:07:00.001-05:002009-03-09T07:01:33.058-05:00Phew! One Down, One to Go!... and The Toddler Who Read, and Read, and Read Some More!I am officially done with one of my two final papers for this term (each term laast 10 weeks - I know, strange, but that's what I get when i opt to accelerated learning). My OLD transcripts should arrive at Kapln either Tuesday or Wednesday...and believe me, I know that it's pushing that deadline awfully quickly, since term ends March 17th. So far, so good with class - no 100%'s across the board like last term, but I should again pull a *minumum* a Dean's List honor, if not the full-fledged President's Honor as I did for October through Janusry. Eh. I just want A's so I can maintain my rockin 4.0. So THERE.<br />
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I've been briefly contemplating adding a third class to my load for next term... but with having to take college-level algebra AGAIN, as well as "Terrorism Today," I'm not sure what exactly would work well with the above-mentioned duo... unless I take a criminal psychology course, since I have had so much psych pumped into my veins in the past, my marrow whould be spitting it out along with new blood cells.<br />
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Any opinions on adding a third course? Do you think I can handle it?!?! Eep!<br />
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For those of you who have asked... yes, I'm okay. Not necessarily 100% okay, but I'm surviving. Things are simply in a deep financial rut, and I'm trying my damndest to find a job here from home in case a) I DO need spinal surgery, a b) the weather goes damn haywire, bring my fibro pain levels up to a decrepit high. Hell, if I dtill felt GOOD, we've have no problem... except for that until August, my son does not qualify for district prechool, so my paycheck would essentiall be turned over to my employer just for him to be in the building with me, but to have others care for him. Hmmmm, gee, what a hard choice THAT creates, Duh.<br />
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So, anyone want a bookkeeper, transciptionst, order proessor, data processor/proofreader? I have experience with all of the above so (turns into a little girl) Pick me! Pick Me! PICK ME!!! Heh.<br />
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I think I need to get some sleep... I have to write a criminal statue on cyberbullying, including the defintions, forms, and possible punishments involved. It just makes me wanna PUKE.<br />
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On a happier note... (or a "bring me a brick wall" note), Greyson has been READING. EVERYTHING. In the grocery store - "OH! This isle says first aid, we have to look for more bandaids here!" or "Mom, the milk is dated March 18th, is that okay?" YES. We get looks ALL the time. NO, we have put NO pressure on him to read. OH! And we have in no way shape, or form done anything to him for him to come up to me and ask if he could watch an online autopsy video "to see what's inside everyone." Yikes. He was actually studying my new MRIs in comparisons to the ones from his past October. "Is that where your bad discs are, Mommy?" I'm tellling ya... Dr. Circelli by day - Iron Greyson by night. This child NEVER provides a dull moment. <br />
Want an awesomely cute three year old? For a day? An hour? Okay, how about a few minutes?!?! So far, he's only cut <em>paper</em> with scissors, so at least you're safe on that part, so far... heheheLarissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-10425457939180786492009-03-05T06:37:00.000-06:002009-03-05T06:37:21.752-06:00Just... God Damnit.I am just... in a BAD situation right now. Okay, that's nor fair - the whole FAMILY is in a bad situation.<br />
<br />
Anybody who cares... can you just say a little prayer, think a little thought, send some good vibes out into the Universe... something.<br />
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I can't (don't want to?) go into details right now... but we're up shit creek. No paddles. No escape route. And it's looking like a waterfall coming up on our rickety little canoe.<br />
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I had another MRI yesterday. Things are defnintely worse... so now I honestly am in fear of having to need spinal surgery. We're financiially FUCKED... and that's putting it LIGHTLY.<br />
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I think the ONLY good news is that Greyson is at LEAST 99% potty trained, and that Ralp is getting the care he needs on his diabetic ulcer on his foot.<br />
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Fuck. Double fuck. I can't even SEE the silver lining right now...Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-91871490811307773842009-03-03T12:31:00.001-06:002009-03-03T12:32:53.992-06:00BeautifulI’m looking for a way to feel you hold me<br /><br />Feel your heartbeat just one more time<br /><br />Reaching back, trying to touch the moment<br /><br />Each precious minute that you were mine<br /><br /><br /><br />How do you prepare<br /><br />When you love someone this way<br /><br />To let them go a little more each day?<br /><br /><br /><br />The stars we put in place<br /><br />The dreams we didn’t waste<br /><br />The sorrows we embraced<br /><br />The world belonged to you and me<br /><br />The oceans that we crossed<br /><br />The innocence we lost<br /><br />The hurting at the end<br /><br />I’d go there again<br /><br />‘Cause it was beautiful<br /><br />It was beautiful<br /><br /><br /><br />Some days, missing you is overwhelming<br /><br />When it hits me you’re not coming back<br /><br />And in my darkest hours, I have wondered<br /><br />Was it worth it for the time we had?<br /><br /><br /><br />My thoughts get kind of scattered<br /><br />But one thing I know is true<br /><br />I blessed the day that I found you<br /><br /><br /><br />The stars we put in place<br /><br />The dreams we didn’t waste<br /><br />The sorrows we embraced<br /><br />The world belonged to you and me<br /><br />The oceans that we crossed<br /><br />The innocence we lost<br /><br />The hurting at the end<br /><br />I’d go there again<br /><br /><br />‘Cause it was beautiful<br /><br /><br />It was beautiful<br /><br /><br />The rules we stepped aside<br /><br />The fear that we defied<br /><br />The thrill of the ride<br /><br />The fire in our hearts that burned<br /><br />The oceans that we crossed<br /><br />The innocence we lost<br /><br />The hurting at the end<br /><br />I’d go there again<br /><br />‘Cause it was beautiful<br /><br />It was beautiful<br /><br /><br /><br />~~~ Amy Grant & Vince Gill ~~~<br /><br />(agreeably, NOT my typical style of music... but my God, this song is, well, BEAUTIFUL. And MEANINGFUL, on many different levels...)Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-31621156271158579452009-03-01T20:35:00.002-06:002009-03-01T20:40:44.650-06:00To Share a Bit of SorrowA dear, dear friend of mine lost her mother on February 9th. She was really unable to even find the time to let me know her mom was gone until now, after flying back home from her family out in California. Apparently, Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer on the 6th, and had only those last three days to fight.<br /><br />If you're the praying kind, pray for her.<br />If you're the blessings kind, bless her.<br />If you're the thinking of you kind, please think of her.<br />If only a random, passing thought... send a little love her way. Jeana has been like family to me, and was a shining light while we were still in our old apartment where I had no one else around. She's still very raw from this, as expected, and any little bit of love will only help her heal.<br /><br />Thanks, everyone.Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-75477551552196456782009-03-01T18:14:00.000-06:002009-03-01T18:14:02.814-06:00Wiped OutI haven't been able to write lately. I probably shouldn't be writing right now. The stresses of this term of college combined with a continuously-developing three year old who not only can rattle off the spellings of his full name as well as tell you our entire address and phone number, but yesterday astonished me by reading a newly-explored book meant for elementary school-aged kids... starting the process of re-doing our bedroom complete with a brsnd new frame, mattress, bedset, all new pillows... *sigh* There has simply been so much to do, and so much more cold, winter weather still lingering that is clinging to my body like a leaden suit, magnifying the oh-so-persistent pains of not only the fibromyalgia, but also the herniations in my back that send spasms of pain down sometimes both legs at once.<br />
<br />
There have been days I question taking on the task of returning to school at this point in my life, if for no other reason than the absolutely exhausting mental tasks that these two current courses have required. I have yet to experience a single week without at least one research paper due, and I am now, after this current paper, facing finals - two incredibly detailed research papers dealing with both the investigational and legal aspects of the criminal justice system. There are times where I catch myself somewhat laughing at myself, having gone from an original major upon finishing high school of both music and psychology with a goal of becoming a music therapist, making the decision to toss all that aside and enter the world of a crime scene investigator. I wonder what I will be facing, knowing that the medical limitations on me right now would leave any prospective employer laughing before offering me a position working as an on-scene investigator - especially with me wanting to become sworn and not just remain a civillian investigator. I wonder how I am going to be, facing possible swing shifts and needing to be focused and prepped at different times throughout the week, knowing that right now, I completely rely on prescribed medication in order to barely get the sleep I need as a stay at home mom... and even then, sometimes, it's like grasping at straws wondering if those pills will work one more time. I think the running total has been nine different medications over the course of two-plus years in order to try and bring me that absolute essential of life.<br />
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I have both the relief and stress that comes from being in the same house as my parents for this overwhelmingly NEW shift in my life. It's not always pretty, but there are times it's my lifesaver, my rescue raft. But even now, knowing that when I need it, I will have eyes to watch Grey while I go for my second MRI, I am finding myself lost in even deciding when I have the time - even though only when I have it completed will I know what next fate holds for me, be it having to schedule spinal surgery or fit multiple appointments at yet a<em> different</em> pain management clinic in order to try and attain some level of normalcy on my day-to-day functional levels. And also knowing that, as I do this, I have to continue to look for some form of employment - even at a part-time level - in order to keep this little family of mine afloat, trying not to be downtrodden by the numerous applications that I have already submitted and heard not a peep from. There are only so many positions available where I could actually perform at an optimal level for that specific job, and also know that I'd actually be able to get out of my car <em>by myself</em> after I drove home again.<br />
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There are times where I wonder just how or why I have been hit by this pain. The spinal issues - okay, Dad's side is chock full of degenerative disc disease. But something else has caused this late-in-life scoliosis (as minor as it may be), something else has triggered this hell they call Fibromyalgia. And only for the last year or so has there been a singe medication approved for the treatment of it. I'm on a high dose as it is, at 300mg, and even then, there is no such thing as full relief - only a higher risk of drug-related weight gain, which in turn puts more stress on my body. A wonderfully spinning catch-22 for all of my ailments.<br />
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I feel as if I'm become this horrible friend, choosing to spend the majority of my free time, the little that there is, at home and trying to rest up for tackling the next day ahead, especially since I can never truly predict just how the mext morning will find me. There is so much that I have missed, so much that I feel others hold against me, for not being that initiator of contact that when I do, it goes unnoticed. I find myself <em>wanting</em> to do oh SO much, yet failing to find that energy that even less than a handful of years ago I had more than enough of... and I have yet to even face the big "3-0". <br />
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I keep trying to tell myself that it will all work out, that I will find again what has gone missing from this shell of "me," and yet day by day I seem to lose sight of it even more. And damn, if there aren't some days that I don't even know how to fight for it anymore... IF I can fight for it anymore. My mind can go wherever it pleases, but if the body is unwilling or unable, well... here I sit.<br />
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I am trying to hold onto some possible optimism, that I am supposed to be involved in a new study for fibromyalgia treatment this month. Will I see results? Only time will tell on that one. As for now, I face scheduling one more test to see if anything can be done for this searing back pain... three more papers by the 17th to determine my student status at the end of yet one more term... appointments with not just one, but three separate doctors to try and manage the different facets of my daily medical needs.... a son who very obviously needs less sleep than I do, and is quickly leaving me at a loss of what to do to keep his exponentially developing mind occupied... a husband who, having just gotten out of the hospital himself once again for diabetic complications, needs to rely on me for things that I wish I could promise but can't always keep up with what my mind holds in its plans... friends that I fear losing all for what I have no control over, and wondering if that makes them truly friends anymore at all...<br />
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With that, I'll shuffle myself into the kitchen to throw together a leftovers of a dinner for those who need me right now, including the little man who is currently singing along to one of Metallica's newest releases on his Mp3 player, and the big man who is only doing God knows what in the lower level we call "home." I'll walk the patterns of the everyday in the hopes that one of these times I'll stumble upon something new, something enthralling and envigorating, something that will give me a little sense of the self that once was. <br />
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For those of you who have lingered and clung to me as I have clung to you through everything... I can only begin to put into words just how much that means to me every waking minute (one of you especially). I promise, someday, it will be paid back, I will find a way...<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><em>Larissa</em></span>Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-48254484463664672982009-02-24T10:55:00.000-06:002009-02-24T10:56:26.524-06:00Inappropriate Card Day!!!<iframe src="http://www.countdownr.com/external.html?logo=calendar.png&alert=&time=2009_02_26_00_00&title=Inappropriate%20Card%20Day&repeat=1&url=http://www.mattresspolice.com&background=transparent" frameborder="0" width="320" height="130" scrolling="no"><a href="http://www.countdownr.com">Countdownr</a></iframe>Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-90846730451785764182009-02-24T10:36:00.000-06:002009-02-24T10:36:08.062-06:00Tired and ComplicatedWell, the hubby is in the hospital... diabetic complications which have resulted in a never-healing foot ulcer becoming infected for the third time in less than two years. The minimum he will be there is a 23-hour observation (which would mean home tomorrow evening-ish). THANKFULLY, they will be referring him to a wound care clinic upn discharge, so that *hopefully* something will finally start heading in the right direction for this nasty, ulcerated right foot. *shudder*<br />
<br />
Actually, his doctor while I was there was the ONLY doctor in that ER that actually *did* anything for my pain, and got me to the point that, even though I arrived not even able to stand, I walked out of the building on my own. Sweet. And his nurse (former drummer, apparently!) really kicked some major bedside butt since he spent a solid 10 minutes answering any questions I had regarding Ralph's treatment and such.<br />
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At least I know that he BIG man is being taken care of. The LITTLE man... eek. We didn't have the greatest of days... once AGAIN.<br />
<br />
Just before getting ready to head over to the hospital to bring Ralph a couple things (including something to eat - YUCK! They gave him a "cold-pack lunch" that apparently tasted like it had been in someone's SHOE all day), I walk into the computer room, not only to find Grey standing in my office chair... but standing there with his fingernails painted. Well, more like every finger from the knuckle to the tip painted. YES... and it was up on the SECOND shelf of the compter hutch, which means that in the whole five minutes *maybe* that I was out of the room, he HAD to have climbed onto the desk ITSELF at least briefly. *sigh*<br />
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Did I mention that he also got streaks of red, shimmery polish all over a BRAND new pair of gripper socks from Old Navy?? And *somehow* managed to get nail polish in a stripe up the inside of his thigh?? Aaaaand... (here's the kicker) he got a nickel-shaped glob of nail polish that just *barely* managed to not seep all the way through on the crotch of his UNDERWEAR. I don't get it... was this child trying to paint hib nuts?!? GEEBUZ!!!<br />
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So, I head to the hospital, blah blah blah... Watch the last 20 minutes of House (THAT'S how much he should appreciate me, damnit - I left to bring him food knowing FULL well that I'd be missing HOUSE!!), hang out a bit more to make sure I talk to both he nurse AND the doctor. Great. No problem... 8:25, gonna head home... Aaaaand, I arrive home to a *very* in trouble little boy.<br />
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He used PAM for HAIRSPRAY. (How he even GOT into it is beyond me.) He now looks like a greaser... and all because I *refused* to give him a bath at that moment in time, right before bed, since bathtime is a HORROR when it comes down to washing his hair.<br />
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Someone want to borrow a really CUTE three year old who's in the middle of a preschool "PMS" phase?!?Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-4313352663899979842009-02-19T13:20:00.000-06:002009-02-19T13:20:15.860-06:00I Have Found the Secret...To getting any form of essay done.<br />
<br />
Take some sleeping pills, a couple of Vicodin... and three to four hours later, you somehow have a full-blown, previously unresearched paper in hand, ready to turn in - and even at an additional two pages above the required minimum!! AND - it's completed 5 days before it is even due. Take THAT, writer's block!<br />
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Yes, I *did* turn this paper in. No, I have *not* yet received the grade for said paper. Heh.<br />
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I suppose we'll see how perfect my "secret" truly is in, oh, a few days? Hehehehe...Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-48687264067092862882009-02-17T12:20:00.000-06:002009-02-17T12:20:51.110-06:00Neurologist VisitWell, based on the MRI from early October, my neurologist said that he would NOT perform surgery, because it would more than likely cause more problems than it's worth. However. I *do* have to get a NEW MRI's done, since things can change (and there is a strong feeling that they have, since I have new symptoms and worsening pain, etc.), and then WE'LL SEE. Ugh.<br />
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A big part of me *wants* there to be a difference on the MRI... No, not because I want to be faced with some sort of serious problem, but so that there is some sort of *actual* reasoning behind why I'm in so much pain everyday. Over the weekend, I was lucky that we were still able to go through with our Valentine's day plans. Thank GOODNESS for having a hanidcapped placard in the car, or else? Yeah, Ralph would have had to drop me off at the door both at the theatre and then again at dinner before parking the car. Yes, I was in THAT bad shape trying to friggin walk. It took me a minimum of 20-25 steps before I could even stand up all the way. =(<br />
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So, for now? I'm on Vicodin & Flexeril... which from past experiences, I might as well just take Greyson's gummy bear vitamins and feel the same effect. *sigh* OH! And if surgery isn't what's on the plate, then I'll be sent off to a pain management clinic... which is different than the pain REHABILITATION clinic that I spent 6 weeks worth of my time at, only to be discharged because improvement had plateaued. Fun, fun! At the new place, it most likely will be full of acupressure and acupuncture, pain meds, steroid injections, blah blah blah. At this point, I have lost alot of hope, simply because I have had not ONE SINGLE DAY of being pain-free (except for while on Dilaudid and Valium for pain & spasms, which, let's face it, only the ER will dish out) since July of 2007. Yeah, coming up on two friggin years of this hell... and I canNOT wish for Spring to get here fast enough, because the cold is BRUTAL on me.<br />
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On top of all this, Greyson didn't go to sleep until after 11:30 last night, and was up at 7:45am. What?!?! Ohh, it's going to me yet another day where I MAKE him take a nap, because *I* have seminar tonight, and knowing my luck, he'll be pushing ALL of Ralph's buttons while I'm in the middle of class - or he'll be trying tto go to bed before 8pm, which will just recycle the early rising and crabbbbbbbbby kid vicious cycle all over again. *sigh* He's already had a HORRIBLE week ALL last week, and I was SO hoping that maybe this week would be different. So far, NO good.<br />
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I stil haven't finished the papers I have due tonight, which is NOT. GOOD. Obviously. So, I suppose I should be off to do just that. YUCK. Wish me luck!!! =PLarissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-66440876431812482452009-02-14T12:33:00.000-06:002009-02-14T12:33:29.339-06:00The Back of My Head is NUMB.So, I've had a migraine since... um, Tuesday night? And Thursday night, the back of my head started to feel a little weird. Nothing that really freaked me out, but it was a little.. numb.<br />
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Last night, while out with my mom, I went to re-pull my hair back, and noticed that not only was it *still* numb, but it was the entire back of my head, all the way down to where the base of my skull is, and from side to side from the back of one ear to the other. So, I mention it casually to my mom, who proceeds to mildly *freak.* Joy. It never even crossed my mind, what with the pain of the migaine for dayd on end, as well as my back, neck, AND shoulders hurting without relief for a couple days, that this 'numbness' thing could even REMOTELY be anything worth mentioning - and definitely not something to have a heart attack over.<br />
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Last night became, "Let's do a WebMD symptom search,' and see what comes up. Gee, look at that. Scalp numbness can result from: migraines, neck or shoulder tension and spasms, stress, anxiety, or nerve impingement. I'm thinking that, without even THINKING about consulting a doctor I KNOW I have 5 of the 6 possibilities listed... yeah. So, no ER visits for me this weekend.<br />
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I *am* however seeing a neurologist Monday morning. SO, don't be surprised if I come home all flipped out and stressing because he mentioned the dreaded *S* word when it comes to what to do about my back problems. *breathe, Lari, BREATHE*<br />
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Yesterday, though, I talked to my Academic Advisor over the phone, and she told me (regarding the possible ss...sssurr...the S word!), to just go DO it, so I can focus on healing and rebuilding and letting my body take over actual repairs NOW than rather when I am older and have gone through even MORE pain, and the possibilities of further injury the longer I wait and the more time that passes. Well.<br />
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It makes sense. It doesn't mean that I am no longer afraid... but it *would* be better to get all "healed up" before I'm done with school, rather than have to hope that with my present condition, I could find a job once I'm done. Hmph. I *hate* when people come along and just tornado al lof what I *thought* I had already worked out. Damn.<br />
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Later, I am hoping that (at least by the times our plans start) I feel at least SOMEWHAT physically better (if not, maybe I can get some forom of pain control rockin, I don't know). Because, surprisingly, the hubby and I are going to a movie (of course, it's the new damn Friday the 13th one... LOL) and to Benihana for dinner... SUCH a better option that <em>trying</em> to get in at Red Lobster (which we could honestly do almost any other time) since they don't take reservations. Mmmm... hibachi. =)<br />
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So, there we go. Tomorrow, the new bed is being picked up from IKEA. The new mattress is here waiting. The brand spanking new gorgeous microsuede bedset is here. We have 3 new sets of sheets (with 2 more to be picked up, since I had to rain-check them). All I *need* to do in this whole bedroom rre-vamp is bring the dresser downstairs, put together the new DVD stand I picked up yesterday, and go pick up (no, I'm NOT kidding) *7* brand new pillows in order to replace all the ones we have. LOL<br />
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BUSY day, comfy results. I'm *really* considering picking up a contoured cervical pillow for Ralph in the hopes that, since he'll be moving back into the bedroom with the revamp (buy a new bed, get your husband back, for FREE! Heh.), but I'm afraid that he'll wind up snoring like a hippo in heat again (for some reason, the alignment of the couch relieved 99% of his snoring issues) and it will completely negate any and all progress being made with MY insomnia... since when he snores like that, I want to smother him with a pillow.<br />
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So, I guess the question is... has anyone had any luck with these pillows? You know, the curvy ones that are supposed to cradle your neck when lying on your back?? Because on his side? VERY little if ANY snoring... on his back? I can hear him from the kitchen. Upstairs. Through closed doors. UGH.Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8076034961537542421.post-86199381588220826452009-02-11T23:50:00.001-06:002009-02-11T23:50:26.462-06:00I Bet You Had No Idea...BEFORE They Picked the "Current" Bella. Heh.<a href="http://www.faceinhole.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.faceinhole.com/09/2/11/7c7c7d92b172fa101.jpg" border=0></a><br><a href="http://www.faceinhole.com" target="_blank">Create your own FACEinHOLE</a><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTIzNDQxNzc1MDE3MSZwdD*xMjM*NDE3ODA3MjU5JnA9MTkzMjYxJmQ9Jm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmdD*mbz1lYzkxMDFlMWM*MjQ*NTc4OTUzZDhmMWYxNjhhNGVlYw==.gif" />Larissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00988607299721456414noreply@blogger.com0