What to do...

I have had one of the *worst* days in a LONG time. 

I woke up this morning with my back simply screaming at me, and I wasn't able to turn my head to the left AT ALL or shrug my left shoulder...

Greyson woke complaining of a headache, and barely touched his breakfast OR lunch... he didn't want to do much other than lie in bed and watch cartoons...

We got in a decent nap, but he was just kinda "off" all evening - still not too hungry, clingy, and a tad on the whiny side.  Which isn't normal "him" stuff... plus, he felt a little warm - so I chose the safe route and gave him some Tylenol.

Now, for when things get *really* ugly.

Bedtime rolls around, the hubby's already hanging out in bed watching WWE when Grey & I come downstairs.  No biggie.  Greyson starts up his usual "nightowl craziness" (so at least SOMETHING helped him feel a LITTLE better - LOL).  But then Ralph started to fall asleep, so I got Greyson into his bed, etc etc.

He was *squirrel central*.  The child would NOT lie still, would NOT stop talking, just plain was antsy and goofy.  So finally?  I told him I was going to lie down, because honestly, it was bringing me almost to tears sitting there with him because of the pain all day.

And he SWORE at me, under his breath.  This has been going on for the last week or so, where he'll mutter "Damnit" in response to something that just apparently PISSES. HIM. OFF.

And I had had it.  I told him that the next time I heard that come out of his mouth, that there was going to be some soap in there to replace it.  End of story.  You may NOT say words like that.

Then, in an expansion of my frustration... I changed the channel.  GOD FORBID.

Cue the MAN:  What are you doing?!
Me:  I didn't feel like staring at wrestling while you slept.
Him:  I wasn't sleeping.  How the hell can I sleep when you're YELLING AT GREYSON EVERY TWO SECONDS?!

Umm... yeah.  Okay.  At this point, he had been asleep, off and on, for about 30 minutes.  But denied it.  Like usual.  No surprise there.

However, he then proceeded to GRAB the remote out of my LEFT hand (yes, the one connected to the f'ed up shoulder) and grabbed my hand with it.  OUCH.

More words flew, and it ended in him THROWING THE REMOTE *AT* ME and demanding that I "go the fuck upstairs *before* I pissed him off."  Ummm... does anyone see a problem with this statement?

Yes, I admit - that came after I called him an asshole.  But?  I call it like I see it.  There have been a lot of shithole situations in the recent past, and one BIG thing that's standing out in my head (especially now) is that HE made a promise that HE has yet to fulfill... and there is no longer anything preventing him from doing so.  And honestly?  It pisses me off... but more so, IT HURTS.

I feel downright UGLY right now.  I just came back up from getting Greyson to sleep... because when I went back down to check on him... ONE was snoring, and the other?  Well, let's just say he was hanging out watching Adult Swim.  At 11 pm.  Nice.

So, I was told to GET OUT, but then also apparently the responsibility of getting the little man to sleep?  STILL MY JOB.  FROM UPSTAIRS?  Hmm.  I don't get it.

It took me 45 minutes of finding new batteries for his "moon light," getting him some milk, curling up with him IN THE TODDLER BED, and back rubbing before he finally decided to call it a night.

Now, here I am.  Angry, saddened, depressed, confused, in physical, mental, and emotional pain... wondering where the HELL it all came from.  Well, knowing where it came from... but what started it.

It's one of those times where if Grey weren't around... I think I'd run away.  Really.  He keeps me here a LOT...  and I've expressed that before.  I just don't know if it's really sunk in.

Here's to wishing me SOME sleep... though right now, I don't know if I can handle climbing into my own bed.  *sigh*  I might be looking at a 4am bedtime after DH leaves for work... ugh.

So I'm Having ANOTHER Sleepless Night

And this time it out of sheer PAIN.  It started this morning when I took it upon myself to lift, literally, *5 pounds* of weight off to my right side... and immediately felt SEARING pain shoot all the way down the right side of my back and *explode* in my SI joint area.  SO not cool.

Then, this evening, Greyson took it upon himself to push my head to the right side via my jawline... which to the average joe, not too bad.  However, every time I turn my head back and forth (and it has been this way for a LONG time), it sounds like I have Rice Krispies between my cervical vertebrae.  YUM.  Makes you wanna go grab a bowl, huh?  Anyways, his seemingly small act erupted into an *immediate* migraine.  Yikes.

Whereas the migraine has faded a *bit*, the added pain in my back is NOT any better than it was earlier... and has made changing positions *and* any pressure on it, well, pretty near excruciating.  So...  it looks like I will be waiting for MetalliDad to get up for work before attempting to sleep, simply so I can have more room in the bed to try and get comfortable in.

God, I HATE nights like these.  C'mon insurance... Momma needs some MASSIVE medical workovers!!

If I could bottle this pain, I would be able to make someone else VERY uncomfortable

Wow. So. I still have not slept... and at THIS point in time, why bother to try? The little man will be awake somewhere in the VERY near future, and I'm also still not convinced that I could get comfortable enough to sleep anyhow.

Why am I so uncomfortable?

To start with, I had a BAD back injury a year ago. Hmm, yes... actually just about EXACTLY a year ago. I tried to pick up the Munchkin at an odd angle when he decided to wedge himself between the computer desk and the wall... and was only able to stand back *up* with him to a 45 degree angle. I bet it was a pretty interesting sight to see my then turn on my heels with a toddler in my grasp, lower him to the floor using ONLY my arms, and then proceed to kneel and fall sideways to the livingroom floor.

I then spent the next 15 minutes in AGONIZING pain, trying to convince that same 19 month old that yes, you really CAN climb up on the computer chair and then ONTO the desk to retrieve the cordless phone for Mommy. Oh, yeah... that was the *greatest* part, by the way... The Dad was at work at the time, so I was stuck at home, immobile, with a rampant toddler.

Thankfully, the most destructive thing he did was help himself to a few DVD's knowing Mommy couldn't stop him. On the other hand, he DID bring me his oversized stuffed duck as a peace offering to place under my head. Such a compassionate boy, even then.

Anyhow, I was diagnosed with a severe lower back sprain and a slipped disc. Off I was sent with pain meds... of course which may as well have been Flintstones vitamins for all the good they did me. System says FAIL.

Fast forward to a year later, and I have now developed acute sacroiliac joint disorder as well as a general fuckuppance of my lower spine. I have random and frequent spasms of pretty much every muscle that has anything to do with my back functioning, mainly on the right side, and at times become "lopsided" - my right hip sits higher than my left, with some MASSIVE swelling around the lower back on the right.

Exciting, eh?

I have tried, oh, maybe 7-8 different pain meds, and just as many muscle relaxants. I have endured injections of anesthetic and steroids INTO MY SPINE AND SI JOINT. The result?

Still have pain. The best part? NONE OF THE MEDICINE HELPED ME SLEEP! Insomnia - 1, Larissa - ZERO.

Last night, I was stepping over the "baby" gate in the bedroom doorway (We don't have a door. Don't ask - LOL) and Greyson chose that EXACT point in time to move *directly* into the path that I was about to step into with my right leg. My immediate reaction was to, DUH, move my leg to step elsewhere. The problem with this was that... hmm, someone seems to have placed a DOORFRAME in the way of my KNEE.

Yep. It's REAAAAAL pretty. My right kneecap (points for me on THAT one - it's the SAME side as the majority of my back issues) has two parallel, vertical cuts on it from slamming into the edge of the frame so damned hard, and a *gorgeous* bruise surrounding both and spreading further down my knee.

Yep. I had to bite my tongue REAL hard not to let loose a very LARGE stream of wildly inappropriate words directly in the face of my bewildered son, who could do nothing but ask me if I was okay like a broken record. He means well, he really does. =)

So, I am a truly GLORIFIED gimp today, and am just WAY too damned uncomfortable to even fathom a decent position to sleep in. Of course, I am pretty much guaranteed to pass out at SOME point in time today, if only for an hour or two... I just hope I can survive long enough to have it happen *at* naptime. Ugh.

BTW, anyone have any *wicked* pain relief suggestions? Or maybe something along the lines of a phone call from Ghandi's dog kinda remedy for insomnia???? Just wondering.