Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sung By Larissa at 11:29 PM
So, we had EVERY intention of going to the Shedd Aquarium today - until I decided to call and *make sure* that it was, indeed, a Community Discount Day like it was listed as at the end of August when I took note of all the September days... and of course, it WASN'T. Ugh.
Being as though Ralph is STILL at home with us - $18 a head is NOT too feasible for admission when you add the cost of gas and CHICAGO PARKING FEES to the grand total! Double UGH.
We decided to go to Lamb's Farm, and wander around the farmyard for a while. At the very least, Greyson got some pretty amusing close encounters with some of the critters there. Go figure, though - his favorite animals of the trip? The cats wandering around the barns. He gets to play with our two furry beasts every day, and he latches onto the cats on the farm. There was even one sweet little white cat that took it upon itself to follow Grey around for a bit. =)
Anyhow, I think there were two highlights to our day - or at least two moments where I laughed so hard, I thought for SURE I'd never recover. First, we visited this fella:
Sung By Larissa at 9:27 PM
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Well, I managed to survive my initial consultation at the Pain Clinic. Barely.
After being poked, prodded, stretched, reflexed, etc. for 30 minutes, I got a few tidbits of information and an appointment to come back on October 15th for a full-team assessment.
Here's the new CRAP:
1- I apparently have mild scoliosis, which either has gone completely undetected until now, or is a new development. The curve is in my mid-back, around the thoracic/lumbar transition.
2- It really looks like I'm going to wind up with a Fibromyalgia diagnosis, as the doctor tested ALL of the pressure points associated with the disorder - and every single one HURT. Some of them still do, 14 hours later.
3- I *still* have to go back to Lake County Mental Health (or find another provider) for long-term depression/anxiety care, because while they DO have psychologists, there isn't a SPECIFIC pyschiatry aspect like I was told when referred to them. UGH.
Aside from those little nuggets of joy, I still need to find a new general practitioner that is more competent of handling my condition (which shouldn't be TOO hard, compared to the last physician I saw after my ER visit), because after being *manipulated* in every which direction during the visit - I still left with no medication. *sigh*
So, I have a MASSIVE to-do list in regards to doctors on Monday, since I have to find a GP, make ANOTHER damned appointment at LCMH or find another provider, make an OB/GYN appointment (that I'm already months late on!)... and when that is all said and done, I'm going to try and make an appointment for Grey for a dentist, because he has a tiny cavity in one of his molars (even though the child is ADDICTED to brushing his teeth!) that I want to catch before it gets worse. Plus, I want to check on the fact that he has a *slight* overbite - which I can pretty much attribute (in my mind, anyways) to the fact that he is a stubborn little Scorpio and *still* uses his "Binka" for nap and bedtime. *sigh*
So, I've got a pretty full plate! Luckily, we are planning on making our trip down to the Shedd Aquarium on Tuesday, since we missed out 2 weeks ago because of all the massive flooding and, of course, OTHER drama. Heh.
One of the TOTAL upsides to today was the fact that I won a $25 gift card for Build-a-Bear from Angela over at Fluid Pudding! Which means that in addition to the Nintendo DS that Crystal sent him, Greyson can *still* manage to have some pretty killer birthday presents, despite our TOTAL financial disaster status. *clapping*
Of course, that hasn't kept him from asking for everything.he.sees.on.tv.oh.my.GOD. I'm about to either un-plug the damn thing or only allow him to watch movies until Christmas, because hello? Could they put any MORE advertisements geared towards children out right now?!? It's gotten to the point where he'll anounce that he wants THAT movie during a DVD-release commercial... even if his answer is "I don't know" when we ask him the name of the movie. *shrug* He's a media FANATIC... don't know WHERE that came from...*snort*... couldn't be from his FATHER who bestowed his Mini-Blockbuster on me when we got together. No, not at all. I think Greyson himself owns somewhere upwards of 30 DVDs. Eek!
Unfortunately, it's looking like we're going to have to scrap our plans for his big Pirate Party for the little guy's birthday in November, though. It's just going to cost WAY too much in relation to everything going on right now, and with who knows WHAT kind of treatment schedule I will have with this whole Pain-Clinic ordeal, I more than likely won't have the time to accomplish everything that I had set out to do for the entire thing.
Of course, now I'm left scratching my head as to what TO do for his birthday. We *totally* didn't do ANYTHING last year, because we MOVED a couple weeks before, and it was just all too chaotic - so I feel I am indebtted to give SOME sort of a damn about the celebratory aspect of it this year. Heh.
Any suggestions outside of the "Chuck E. Cheese" standard? I'd like to avoid that if possible, and not do anything as massively migraine-inducing as that for a group of 2-5 year olds. Ack, the sheer *thought* of it makes my skin crawl.
Plus, C'MON! The one by us doesn't even have the HUGE tunnelly thing OR a ball pit. What a ripoff! LOL
SO - that's life as it stands right now. Still no job for the hubs, but unemployment is supposed to kick in on Monday. No pain relief for me YET... but here's to hope?!? And Greyson... well, he spent a good portion of the evening listening to Iron Maiden while he headbanged and sang along CORRECTLY to almost every song he heard. Yep... he's definitely got some GOOD taste in music. ;)
Sung By Larissa at 3:23 AM
Friday, September 26, 2008
A have a *very* limited number of TV shows that I try to (or MAKE SURE to) always watch: House, Bones, Paranormal State, Intervention, and ER.
And the ER Season Premiere was on tonight.
Ummm, can I just say WHAT THE FUCK?!?
I was nearly in tears at MANY points in this episode, as it SO should have been the FINALE and not the premiere for this, the VERY last season.
They killed Pratt. Pratt, who has been CRUCIAL to the series for SUCH a long time now. Who has built SUCH a character. Who had an ENGAGEMENT RING in his pocket the day he DIED. What. the. hell. people.
So, I'm left wondering, did something happen with contracts during the season break? Is THIS why Pratt's death was left as the season opener? Or are they planning on making every. single. episode. emotionally trying as a closer to the show's long run??
Honestly, on top of being rather saddened at the loss of Pratt's character... I was also pissed. I mean, who DOES that?
Speaking of which... hello House fans? Anyone ELSE just a bit perturbed about Wilson leaving on the FIRST episode of the season?! Just sayin. I really wasn't expecting the REASON he left to be the actual REASON - OUCH.
As it stands, I now have a STRONGER desire to reassure myself to pay attention to ER this year. I'm seriously left wondering WHAT they can do next. Hmph.
Sung By Larissa at 2:17 AM
So, I'm a *little* frightened. Apparently, Red Bull is releasing a COLA product, that is made with all-natural ingredients. COULD be a good thing, right?
As long as it doesn't have the "I poured some Pepto Bismol into this Mountain Dew" kinda taste behind it like Red Bull does.
Ugh, just thinking about the SMELL of that stuff alone makes my insides twitch... Of course, that has never stopped me from slamming a Jager Bomb, though... just gotta drink it before I can think about what HALF of it is comprised of... *gulp* Blah.
Sung By Larissa at 1:22 AM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Let's recap, shall we?
I arrived at 9:30am, a full half-hour before my actual scheduled appointment, because me, in my ULTIMATE wisdom (heh) figured I wouldn't waste THEIR time or my own by arriving early to fill out the usual new-patient pre-visit paperwork that you are ALWAYS handed upon arrival. Here's where things get fun. Really.
I went to sit down in the waiting area, along with approximately 11,234 of the department's apparent GREATEST fans. I didn't even have the chance to write my NAME at the top if the first page before a woman sitting next to me piped up with, "Are you here to see Dr. So&So? Are you first?!?" and continued to bounce her legs for the next 30 minutes, while also simultaneously rocking a bit in a rather UNROCKABLE reception chair. Hmm. Okay.
I then spent the next 20 minutes reminding myself that, DEAR GOD! I have carpal tunnel! by completing a form-style biography on my name, birthdate, address, phone number, medical conditions, medical history, mental status, what color my toenails were painted, how many pennies I happened to have in my wallet at that EXACT moment... well, you get the point. There were LITERALLY *8* pages that I had to fill out... all with ITTY BITTY lines and NOT enough space to appropriately answer their questions... so I found myself "margin cramming" my answers in - in order to avoid anything that I could POSSIBLY miss that may affect my visit.
Ten minutes after turning in my paperwork, I was called in by intake. She basically repeated EVERYTHING back to me that I had written to verify accuracy before getting me into the system. Fab. Great. Glad we're clear on things, okay? She gave me a handout on "What to expect while in treatment." Nice. A little reading material. Okay, swell.
Meander BACK to the waiting area, where luckily, twitch-tap-rock lady is no longer seated. *WHEW* Heh. After another ten minutes, I was called again, this time by some woman who I *think* I recall her name as being Janet, but...? Not so sure, as I have built a wall of flame between me and any exact memories of HER at this point now. Let me explain why...
Before I even had the chance to sit down, she asked me *why* I was there. Um... hello? Paperwork? Do you NOT look at what I just wrote out, making my right hand crawl up into a tiny ball for?? Apparently not. I told her that I am ON medication, but felt it had NOT been doing it's job. I summarized just the last 6 WEEKS - in the super-condensed version - and why my depression has simply gotten the better of me.
Towards the end, she CUT. ME. OFF. To ask if I had any friends. WTF!?!?! Nice, lady. Nice.
Then, she accused me of my TRULY occasional beer negating the ENTIRE competency of my current medication. Ummm, okay. If you say so - though that's not what my DOCTORS HAD TOLD ME PREVIOUSLY.
I was asked if I had any feelings of hurting myself or others. FOUR TIMES. Do you think she was concerned? LOL After the last inquiry, I finally told her that, if she wanted total, BRUTAL honesty, I'd say yes. Heh. But only in a spur-of-the-moment, ohmyfuckingGODwhereisthenearestspeedingsemi kinda way... but would never ACT upon those thoughts because, well? They're *passing thoughts* - not IMPULSES. I'll show her, right? Eh.
I got asked if I finished high school. Now, you tell me - what EXACTLY dooes that have to do with ANYTHING regarding the fact that I feel I need counseling and a change in my already-prescribed medications? Not coming up with anything?? Yeah. Me either.
After a few more questions, she looked me dead in the eye and asked/stated, "So, you're basically just here for medication?" Umm, apparently she was too busy DOODLING in the margins to have acknowledged my need for an outlet, for guidance, for support... all of which I felt I just wasn't getting in the form or quantity I needed outside of seeing a therapist. I was honestly appalled, because in that moment - I felt like she labeled me as a "drug seeker." Why, on the planet, would I WANT to put myself through taking anti-depressant medication (which I was ALREADY ON, so the need had obviously ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED PREVIOUSLY) if I DIDN'T NEED IT? Gah.
And after all the LOVELY indications in the reading I was given PRIOR to speaking with this woman, about how the most intensive therapy would be in the beginning, for about 8-12 weeks, etc... She told me that I should go to a Pain Clinic with on-board psych. Ummmm, okay? I'm not HERE because of my physical pain, lady... I'm here because of mental and emotional anguish. A point that she apparently did not grasp.
She literally SCRIBBLED down a phone number onto the back of a "Missed Call" pink slip out of her rolodex for me. No name of the clinic, no location, nothing. Just this mysterious "Pain Management" title which was barely legible above the hastily-written number. The ethereal boot kicked my ass out the door with a quick, "Good luck!"
I cried in the elevator on the way back to the parking garage, while clutching this little piece of pink paper that was now my apparent only hope.
My car decided to yell at me on the way home, threatening to run out of gas. And I had forgotten to get my debit card back from MetalliDad's last use, since we are back to *sharing* a card while he waits for his new one to be issued after the whole number-stealing extravaganza. Luckily, I made it. Obviously.
I called the mystery number, letting them know that I had *just* gotten back & being referred to them. The woman I spoke with was, well? A bit dumbfounded. Because typically, they refer to THE PLACE I JUST WAS. Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. But! She transferred me to one of their intake counselors to discuss my situation and determine that I was, indeed, qualified for their services. HALLELUJAH!
They gave me an appointment this Friday afternoon. But! they want me to bring my medical records and the medications I am currently on. Ummm... I'm not going to be able to *get* my medical records that quickly. MAYBE the ER records, but not the doctor's office. They're CLOSED today. That would leave Thursday for them to make copies of EVERYTHING from the last year in my chart? Oh HELL no. LOL I guess they are going to have to deal with what I can get.
I'm glad to finally see a specialist... while at the same time, I'm just NOT looking forward to it. Their goal, obviously, is to avoid any narcotic pain medication if at all possible. Great! If you can find me something else that WORKS, I'm all for it. I will bow in your greatness. However, the ONLY time I felt like ME before the back pain, before the knee pain, before the hip and neck and shoulder pain... was after my last ER visit with a hefty dose of injected Morphine, and an Rx for Dilaudid and Valium. Yum!! The mild stuff that I HAVE tried in the past? Before the pain even got WORSE? Yeah, might as well have been Flintstones. So, I guess I'll have to be apologetic for my lack of enthusiasm and optimism when I get there on Friday.
By all means, I hope they can prove me wrong. I want nothing more than my LIFE back... the one where I could sleep, I had energy, I could stand or sit or twist even the slightest bit without a hiss escaping through my teeth. I want to be able to feel like I am living in my own skin again, rested and clear-headed and ready to take on whatever lies in front of me. I owe it to Greyson. Damnit, I owe it to myself! But, I haven't been able to GET there other than that week of medicated in August. *sigh*
Do I have high hopes? No. Am I going to go in there with an open mind? HELL YES. A THOUSAND times yes. Because I'm just plain worn out. When you have taken literally EVERY prescribed medication for insomnia, and not a single one of the five helps you in any way... when you have been on 6-8 different pain medications and 4-5 different muscle relaxants in the last YEAR... when the act of crawling into bed can sometimes take up to 10 minutes at the age of *27*, and you have to, once again, try to explain to your adoring two-year-old son that, no, honey, Mommy CAN'T carry you right now... it's just been enough. It's more than enough. If I didn't even HAVE the other shitstorms that have rained upon me in the last six months, it would be enough.
I just can't bear to look into those big, brown eyes of Grey's anymore and have to tell him that I can't pick him up for "big, squeezy hugs" anymore. To have to deny him even the simple pleasure of walking around the block hand-in-hand, because by the end of it, I'm walking like my GRANDMOTHER did with severe osteoporosis and the old-lady hunchback. In her SEVENTIES.
At times I think it's not even so much about the physical pain anymore (as I have somewhat grown accustomed to it, no matter how difficult it is) as it is about the emotional pain I have from it all. And the emotional pain I *don't* want Greyson to bear because of it.
I need this to work. There has to be SOMETHING, right?
I'll be walking into that clinic with my head held as high as I can )and hopefully, it's NOT a bad day for me, or else that head will be chest level to anyone over 5 feet tall)... but still with a broken heart. I need to heal... everything. If you have the time, can you send a happy thought my way on Friday? I'll take anything you've got. =)
Sung By Larissa at 8:24 AM
I know. I'm terrible. I'm AWFUL. I, once again, have not gotten around to posting an important birthday wish to a dear one until the day AFTER the actual event... but I *did* at least wish him a Happy Birthday on HIS blog yesterday! Heh.
Dave, for many, MANY years, you have been an inspiration, a leader, a strong shoulder to cry on... over the last *gasp* 12 years, we have gone through numerous trials and tribulations, to Hell and back again, and still came out, somehow, not bloodied by the wounds we have at times inflicted on each other.
As things have changed in their numerous ways, you have been, at some point or another, a lover, a fighter, a friend; a source of hope and a source of heartache; someone to look up to and someone who I've never caught looking down upon me without due cause; a healer, though also sometimes a blade in the side; someone to bring laughter to my otherwise tear-strewn face, and also, at times, the cause of those same tears.
You're someone who has changed my world more than you may ever know. You've proven to be a master at many things, all the while carrying the torch of humility.
So, here's to you... one of my favorite friends, fathers, and *brothers* without blood... Happy 30th Birthday Dave. I truly hope that this one turns a brighter page for you and your world. You deserve NOTHING less. Love ya, man!
Sung By Larissa at 8:15 AM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Times are tough. The economy is in recession, and jobs aren't exactly a dime a dozen at this point.
If there's any of you that have even the smallest amount to donate to a charitable cause, I'd like to bring one to light.
Spinal Cord Injury Research
As with the title, this one hits very close to home. In early June, 2006, my dad tripped and fell in the hallway at home, landing in such a way that it fractured 3 cervical vertebrae and compressing his spinal cord.
He was air-lifted to Froedert Hospital in Milwaukee, WI and underwent two surgeries on his neck in two days time. He was hospitalized for three months while undergoing an immense amount of recovery and physical therapy.
When discharged, he could even walk again with assistance.
However, due to a number of circumstances, both known and unknown... he has been completely bedridden for the last year and a half approximately. He has no functional use of any limbs, and has a catheter. He relies solely on the attention and support of my mom, my aunt, me, and the nurse that comes biweekly.
With deeper research into the nature of spinal cord injuries like my dad's, this may never have to happen to another person. My dad could have kept on walking, maybe even eventually without someone else's assistance. He certainly could have continued to use the motorized wheelchair he had sent home with him - the wheelchair that now does nothing but sit in the garage.
Please, no matter how miniscule... if you can, do. I know that times are tough (YES, believe me - Heh.), but even if all I do is get the word out and educate a few people a bit on this... My job will have been done.
Greyson loves his Papa, and knows his limitations... he doesn't remember the short amount of time when Papa could hold him, could carry him, could do much of anything with him. Someday, maybe there won't need to BE a dividing line like that in any other children's brains. Maybe they can all revel in their parents or grandparent's abilities, and not know that in order to see them, they have to climb up on the bed to visit, and crawl over to give kisses.
Sung By Larissa at 5:13 AM
Well, folks... I don't know how many of you (ANY of you?!?) were aware there had been a "Hot Blogger Calendar" vote, with an ENORMOUS number of us not-quite-mainstreamed-and-apparently-SO-not-hot bloggers ignored in the melee.
So, HappyHourSue & McMommy have created... the Not-Quite-Hot-Enough Calendar!!
So, be sure to check it out - and hell, even enter YOURSELF (unless, ya know, you're one of the elite that was in the *first* round... ahem... heh). I'm in that long-ass list of underacheivers. LOL
Sung By Larissa at 4:47 AM
Friday, September 19, 2008
I am not EVEN going to try and compound all of the obscenities in my brain out here onto this page - but you can SURE imagine them after reading this next little bit.
Some punk ass little hacker shit swiped the hubby's credit card info - the card that links DIRECTLY back to our checking account. The checking account that currently has NO INCOME being added to it. The account that is our SOLE support until he gets his first unemployment check, supposedly, next week.
This worthless little shit spent over $200 on - what? Multi-Player Online Role-Playing Game subscriptions and multiple accounts at Yahoo! Voice. WTF!?!?! Sorry, but PROOF POSITIVE that it's most likely either a 16-year-old little FUCK, or a 37-year-old cheese face that has never moved out of his Momma's basement.
Now, don't get me wrong - I myself have played RPG's in my life. I've actually even played one or two of them ONLINE. I, however, have NOT stolen someone else's DAMN INFO in order to do so. Fucker.
Yahoo, however, DID manage to give MetalliDad the email address that the purchases were registered to. Of course, the email was listed as non-existant by that point when he went to look it up. Duh. Of COURSE it was- skeevy little bastard.
I *am* hoping to find out SOMETHING, though, because apparently those purchases are also tracked by an IP address. Let's just hope that shithead has his own little dungeon of technology set up with a static IP, and doesn't just wander on down to the local Starbucks for WiFi when hacking. UGH.
So, I'm thinking of looking into Voodoo curses. Because, my GOD, the friggin insanity that has become my life?!? Just NOT enjoyable. Bah.
Anyone have any hints towards locating the squirmy little prick that stole our dwindling cash?!?!? Asshole.
Sung By Larissa at 8:22 PM
In as many days, I have been tagged for two different memes... While I feel *special* that I'm being thought of (even if it IS just for 'memeing' - is that even a word?!), I will silently clench my teeth a moment before I complete this one.
Because while if you ask any number of people, I'm sure they will spew forth TONS of quirks about me. But when asking myself? I tend to ponder it and not come up with much. LOL
So, thanks to Ravingly Lucid, here goes my *6 Quirks* Meme.
The Rules:Link to the person who tagged you
Mention the rules on your blog
Tell 6 unspectacular quirks about you
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking to them
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged
1. I am UNFAILINGLY addicted to House, M.D.
2. I've let my son watch more horror movies than the average 10 year old gets to watch.
3. I used to be *very* athletic... and now can barely keep up chasing after Greyson.
4. Whenever I manage to actually get some sleep, I get MORE tired because I realize what I've been missing out on for so long.
5. I tend to wear my pajamas CONSTANTLY unless I have plans outside of the house that day - for the simple reason that sometimes it hurts to change clothing. =(
6. I'm beginning to think that, as ridiculous as it sounds, I've been cursed by someone or something. Grr.
So! The *fun*/evil part - that TAGGING! I think this time around I'll tag Kari, Val, Moo, iMommy, Alessia, and Tanis. Have fun, ladies!! ;)
Sung By Larissa at 7:51 PM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
So, I've been tagged... which is fine, considering the only thing I have in me right now is a whole hell-load of frustration at my sleepless state - combined with a TOTAL lack of patience for the world as it stands and a brand, SHINY new pain location along my spine that has been coinciding with nausea for the past 2 days. FUN STUFF, I tell ya!
So, here they are. The ABC's of Me. Hold on to your hats!! Heh.
A-Attached or Single: Attached
B-Best Friend: Bea
C-Cake or Pie: Cake
E-Essential Item: Camera!
F-Favorite Color: Black, Coral, and Red (but *definitely* NOT all three together!)
G-Gummi bears or worms: Bears
H-Hometown: Waukegan, IL
I-Indulgences: Nights out, chocolate truffles, and hot baths
J-January or July: July - NO SNOW TO DRIVE THROUGH.
K-Kids: Just ONE... for now, at least (and NO, this isn't foreshadowing. Heh.)
L-Life is incomplete without: My SON.
M-Marriage Date: March 19th, 2005
N-Number of Siblings: None. My parents didn't want to risk ANOTHER one like me. ;)
O-Oranges or Apples: Oranges
P-Phobias or Fears: Glass elevators, bridges, and boating
R-Reason to Smile: The way Grey's eyes twinkle when he laughs, a decent night's sleep!
T-Tag Three: Bea, Bee, & whoever else wants to do it!
U-Unknown fact about me: I can pick up an orange with one foot because I have friggin' BARBIE FEET arches. Eek. I apparently have also passed on my highly-useful "monkey toes" to my son. Heh.
V-Vacation destination of choice: Scotland
W-Worst Habit: Smoking
X-X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasounds - because they are USUALLY for much better reasons than an x-ray would prompt
Y-your favorite food: Italian, Japanese, and Thai food... though I think my current *specific* favorite is Chicken Marsala
Z-Zodiac Sign: Aries. I am VERY much an Aries. LOL
Sung By Larissa at 9:33 PM
I wanted to share something that I just typed out on a message board that was created uniquely due to the fact that Metallica has now surpassed, in the number of albums to debut at #1, every other band in existence, with the only exception being Led Zeppelin.
Now, YES. There have been some angry issues between the band and fans (which, honestly, to this DAY still makes no sense to me) due to "Napstergate." In my opinion, *true* fans to anything or anyone wouldn't look for ways to rob those they idolize, but should and would pay the money necessary for receiving a copy of what their talent has produced - but, hell, I will be debated until eternity on that one, I am sure.
Many claim that they are no longer "true to form." And what form is that, may I ask? Were we all poured into plaster casts that I was unaware of, unable to change and evolve and GROW wherever life may take us?
There are numerous other ASSpinions out there, and you know what they say about THOSE. Obviously, I tend to agree - however, the follwoing is proof that, if you don't have a FANTASTIC argument on your side, along with every *ounce* of data you personally can use for your case? Don't bother throwing your nonsense MY way. Unfortunately, I'll either ridicule you for not even being able to explain or back up your own supposed beliefs - or I'll just lay things out on the table, simple as that, with a HELL of a lot more backbone than your "throwing stones."
Don't criticize if you have nothing to back yourself with. Because you WILL place your *own* head on my chopping block - especially when you challenge me and something I actually DO have an opinion on.
Case in point:
~"Where as I agree with Lars being a deterrent at times to something far greater, due to his ego and self-centeredness... that is ALL that I can agree on regarding the debates going on here.
What most of you people aren't realizing is that, as a musician, singular or in a band, if you don't PROGRESS, then you are at a stalemate, and essentially UNDO yourself as a musician. Through time and turmoil, personal growth and experience, you WILL change as a musician. To NOT do so is essentially sacrilege - UNLIKE those of you who pointed out that where they have evolved to being this fact.
I'm sorry, but stating that they have lost "most or all of their TRUE fans" is a laugh. Because seriously? If you are a TRUE fan, then with that comes the understanding of what is BEHIND the music, not just what those first few notes hit you with. You follow and perceive the many layers that are put into each and every song, and from there, and THROUGH this process, you are a TRUE fan. To claim to be a true fan and NOT be able to accept and grow along WITH the band makes you nothing more than a "fairweather fan" - no different than those who only root for their "favorite" sports team if they are winning. It's selfish to think that they have nothing within them other than the desire to put down on paper and in recording anytihng other than what *YOU* want or need to hear. It's a shame, really.
Would you rather that the entire music genre become filled with the always-increasing population of so-called "cookie cutter" bands, where the only things they produce are what is popular in the here and now? I, personally, ESPECIALLY being a musician myself, both in hobby and in trade & education, would much rather explore the depths behind where life issues have taken the music, and analyze much more than the simplicities of "Oh, Lars sucks," or "Fuckin' Napstergate."
To attack their MUSIC as a result of Napster hitting the fan as a FREE site? It's insane and absolutely SELFISH of YOURSELVES. Tell me that you wouldn't be upset if say, you produced a beautiful, one-of-a-kind painting, and then you discovered someone was standing on a streetcorner handing out "master replicas" of your work - FOR FREE? I don't think so. This is their LIVELIHOOD, and where, YES, they make much more than most of us can ever dream of, believe it or not, people - they have EARNED it. Just as you and I have *hopefully* earned every dollar that we have laid our hands on and claimed as our own.
It just goes to show how immensely shallow the majority of the "music community" is. And if you are going to base your opinions of their music on any of the things I have stated above - good riddance. Because none of the REAL Metallica fans, nor do Metallica themselves, need anyone with such an empty sense of fulfillment claiming to be one of their own."
I think I *may* have gotten my point across. It'll be amusing at the least to see who tries to bail themselves out after this one. =)
Sung By Larissa at 12:18 AM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
With all that has been transpiring around here, between personal chaos and also that of the community & economy... I had LAGGED in my posting recently. And for that, I apologize - not only to those of you are kind enough to read here frequently, but ESPECIALLY to those two people I write here for now.
September 15th, 1968 - 40 years ago! My husband was born into the world, a PEANUT of a child, weighing less than 7 pounds, into a family filled with half-siblings, as he was the only child between his parents as ONE.
Since then, he's proven himself to be many things... initially? A troublemaker, like most children are, of course - but considering the stories I have heard from both my late mother-in-law and my sister-in-law... well, let's just say he seemed to enjoy driving his immediate family crazy a little *too* much.
He then decided that, through the inspiration of AC/DC, that he wanted to be a guitarist. At this day, he has been playing guitar for longer than I have been alive - and playing on stage for the majority of the last two decades. He's played lead, rhythm, bass guitar, and sung - all to the credit of his somehow humble ability to listen to a song a handful of times and then transform it into near-perfection - with never anything more than an "If you say so," when being told of this wonder.
It was actually because of this that we met. I was dating my ex at the time, and we went to see the band he was playing in, Battery, out in Rockford, since the ex had known the other members for a number of years. That was the first meeting, and beyond seeming like a nice guy, that was that.
A few months later, my ex actually joined Battery, filling in for their now-open position as "Hetfield." So, obviously, I got to form pretty decent friendships with all the guys in the band, as well as the drummer's rather... INTERESTING... stripper girlfriend. Hmm. I'm still compelled to this day to shake my head whenever I think of Nikki.
Ralph and I got to be better friends than I did with the rest of the guys, maybe simply because of the fact that he lived the closest to us (the other guys were in IN), and when on the road, the ex & Ralph would always get a shared hotel room, while the others got the second room. So, needless to say, when I was on the road every so often, as well, I also wound up hanging with Ralph until the wee hours of the morning when everyone could finally catch some rest.
When the ex and I split up, a good 3 years later, there were a few people that I was determined not to lose out on as MY friend simply because I had initially met them through the ex. Ralph was one of them. I asked for his number, and was DENIED by the ex - which of course, simply made my stubborn streak take a stronger hold on was I was set out to do. I called Ralph's WORK - and just caught him on his way out the door for the night. I told him what had happened, blah blah blah... and that HEY! We should go grab a few beers sometime. Cool. Friendship saved - take a breath, and chalk one up for me.
Well, when I told the ex that Ralph had said "Hey" - I got the reaming of a century (ya see, due to financial reasons, and apparently SHEER insanity, it was initially intended that we still live out the end of our lease under one roof... and after 6 weeks, I BAILED 2 months earlier than initially agreed because, DAMN. It just made.me.want.to.kill.him.more.)
Anyways, pretty much at the end of my personal Hiroshima - he looked me in the eye and told me, "I know you two. If you guys start hanging out, all by yourselves, SOMETHING'S going to happen. I just know it."
My response? I BURST INTO LAUGHTER so deep that I felt my sides would tear open.
After wiping the tears from my eyes, I looked back and told him that I SO didn't see Ralph that way, and that, hell, since WHEN does me having a male friend mean anything beyond that. He was NOT convinced - but to make the last of my time, um, TOLERABLE, under the same roof - I didn't plan to hang out with Ralph until I was OFFICIALLY out of there.
Good thing, too. Our bar-babble session apparently turned into our first date. Heh. I still to this day don't *quite* know how that happened - only that it just WORKED. And the following cat-and-mouse games that followed regarding my ex pleading for my return or else he was destined to plummet into a brick wall in his car, save for his son - and me ducking the accusations that I was already dating someone else... followed by his sudden realization of WHO I was dating?!? Pretty damn funny, if you ask me. Never have I seen more pitiful attempts at trying to turn around a situation on both sides of the spectrum, meanwhile trying to get back something that was lost long before I moved on to someone else.
That was at the end of August, 2004. We were engaged in December that same year. And married on March 19th, 2005.
I found out that we were expecting 5 days later, and had the doctor's confirmation on my birthday, March 29th.
Now, Ralph - you've been my rock & my rainbow, my perilous cliff & my hurricane... my source of support, and sometimes my source of the deepest critique... the father of my child & the destroyer of many things... We've ridden a roller coaster that not only has it's ups & downs along the bumpy ride, but also seems to have its course set through a hailstorm, where we are constantly bombarded by outside forces, testing not only the riders, but the ability of the track to keep guiding us.
We've made it through just over three years of marriage, and four years of being a couple. While there have been times where I have VERBALLY threatened to suffocate you in your sleep (I honsetly have, everyone. LOL), I would never take back the decision to be with you... we've survived. If nothing else, we have survived a LOT and have an almost-three year old miracle to remind us of that every day.
Maybe someday, we'll find ourselves in the sancitity of a tunnel on this ride, where the only things that affect us are US, and not the constant barrage of the outer world. Until then, I promise to try and hold on tight, and keep myself buckled in.
Thank you for being a husband, a friend, a father, a worker, a musician... for being you. Because otherwise? Well, hell - who else would you be? And you never thought you'd wind up married, needless to say, a parent. Heh. I guess you just needed some fiesty redhead to come and whoop your ass a bit. ;)
Love ya, MetalliDad. =)
September 16th, halfway (seriously!) between Ralph's birth and my own, my mom was brought into the world, a TINY, premature baby. Born to parents that had emmigrated from Latvia, she spoke only Latvian until the age of four, and then learned English from the upstairs neighbors who *blessed* her with a southern accent along with the gift of another language. Heh.
For as long as I can remember, however, you would never know that she hadn't learned English from day one, right in the heart of Chicagoland. And it's not even "southside" english!! LOL
She's a fighter - that I can say without a doubt. So many times have passed where she could have thrown in the towel and called it a day - but did not. She skipped a grade in school, and graduated high school at only 16. Graduated college at 20, and began teaching for the SAME district she is STILL in now, so many years later.
She went back to school and get her Master's degree, taking on the job of a coordinator for a number of years (yes, same district THEN, too!) before deciding that dealing with the chaos of students was MUCH more bearable than the idiocy of most adults.
She's gone through surgeries. Some of which have now left her with daily pain, in levels not easily controlled. And yet, she fights. She is my Dad's primary caregiver, and has been since he came home from the hospital just over two years ago, after his traumatic paralyzation - one that has left him bedridden and unable to do, well, pretty much ANYTHING without full assistance or complete takeover by, who else? My mom.
She's not a superhero. She has her moments that are all too human. But she is a hero, simply for doing what she does, and still managing to be there for ME when I need it, even though I have my own family and most parents wouldn't just be eager and willing to remake room in their nest for their adult child (especially one who is married and has a child of their own) - but quite possibly would have relocated that best completely.
I am grateful beyond what I know I've even been able to express to her, for all that she has done for me. Did I have a perfect childhood? Absolutely, beyond a doubt, NOT IN YOUR LIFE. But it doesn't make her anything less than a woman, a mother, and now a grandmother, who has put herself on the line, many times, to try and secure those around her.
Thanks, Mom. For being who you are. For doing what you do. For fighting along side me. For being "Gia." For showing me the light in Greyson's eyes when he sees you enter the room.
I could never repay what you have done for me, for us all. I just hope that someday, somehow, you know just how much it all means.
Love you, Mom. =)
Sung By Larissa at 11:32 PM
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I managed to get Grey asleep by 11.
I'm MEDICATED, since the suffocating dampness in the air has clamped my back with a set of rather *large* vicegrips.
Hell, MetalliDad is even playing a show in Palatine tonight, so I had EVERY chance in the WORLD to get some sleep that wasn't being threatened by his snoring that could wake the neighbors down the block. For real. I can hear him with EARPLUGS in - I've TRIED them on several occasions.
I was all set. Only 30 minutes of sleep in the last 41+ hours? Ha! I was going to put a stop that, here and NOW, damnit!
But... it's after 5 am. And the sandman? Is. Laughing. In. My. Wide. The. Fuck. Open. Eyes.
Do you think some pretty intense pain meds would react unkindly to a few shots of Tequila Rose? Hmm.
However, Bee, in the midst of her still-filling World of Water, has found it in her gorgeous lil' heart to show me some love with my *first* little bloggy award!
Sung By Larissa at 5:18 AM
Saturday, September 13, 2008
It's been raining for *3 days.* Now, if we were in the South, or up near Washington state, I could see this happening pretty easily.
But Chicago? In September? It's not even doing an effective job of cooling things off - it's just making it feel like a broken sauna outside... the temperature isn't hot enough to feel GOOD - just enough to be YUCKY. And it feels like walking through butter, because the humidity is so desperately high.
There's a *river* now running through our front lawn, and essentially all the way down the block starting right at our corner... and most of the rest of the yard? Why have that pool set up for Grey?! I should just let him loose in the puddle-riffic depths that are accumulating that have it at that.
We're under a flood warning until sometime tomorrow, and I guess it's not going to let up anytime too soon.
At least I can say that the weather matches my mood lately. Maybe if I got a little sunshine it would actually help me smile a bit.
The only nice thing about today is the fac that after dragging out in the rain to head to Walgreen's for a few (cartful) of things, Greyson ran to me before I could even put the bags down, and wrapped himself around my legs.
The best thing in the world to hear at the end of a blahzo day is, "Mommy! Thank you SO much for coming home! I missed you so much, I'm SO glad to see you again!"
Sung By Larissa at 10:08 PM
I am completely, through-and-through, EMBLAZONED with Metallica all over my musical determination.
Their newest album, "Death Magnetic," just hit shelves today (okay, technically yesterday, but there's that "I haven't slept yet" rule thing again) - and already, I am ADDICTED.
And honestly? My first reaction was all, "This is a trippy cover. What the hell?!? Unforgiven *III*?!? PuhLEEZE don't let this go down the road of the friggin California Trilogy by RHCP!!"
And then I actually HEARD the above-mentioned song on the radio in the car a couple hours later. And I fell in love. I think there's just always SOMETHING that they manage to pull out of my soul and toss into what turns into a GREAT song.
Besides the fact that James is NOM. Heh.
Sung By Larissa at 2:27 AM
Friday, September 12, 2008
After the way this week had gone up to that point, when the news about my grandma arrived, my mom and I *dared* to ask, "What ELSE?!"
I'm never doing that again.
MetalliDad walked through the door, a mere 90 minutes after the start of his shift at work, and announced that he lost his job.
Which means, as of right now, as OUR little family goes... we are INCOMELESS.
Karma's supposedly a BITCH... but I'm really wondering what I did that's making her kick my ass so frequently - and then kick me when I'm still down.
Sung By Larissa at 7:46 AM
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Well, I've become a geneaology-aholic. I guess it stemmed from REALLY wanting Greyson to have a grasp on the depth of his roots, from England and Ireland, Scotland and Latvia, Italy... and a few others I've found - like LIBERIA. I don't know. Either she was born there while her English settler parents were there basically running trades, or, a long, long time ago... there was a little bit of African blood introduced into my dad's side of the family. Heh.
Even more interesting is that this woman, the one born in Liberia... is President Thomas Jefferson's great-grandmother. Yes, that's right folks, you heard it here - apparently I am the 10th generation granddaughter of Thomas Jefferson. Ha!!! First I find that I have distant grandfathers that were part of the signing of the Mayflower Compact, now this. It's all VERY interesting... from where you find your roots seeking their homelands to where branches just. stop. branching. Because records were burned and traces of ancestry was purposely destroyed, as is the case in many instances of "the white man" marrying or simply fathering a child with a Native American. Hence the NUMEROUS instances of not being able to find birth records, etc. on quite a few of the people on my Dad's side.
My Mom's side? Sheesh. You'd think they would have kept better immigration records. As far as I can tell, even though I even have copies of their photographs from their citizenship completions... they never came from anywhere, because there's no ship records from their actual immigration. So, I can only get a VERY limited distance there, since my mom was the first generation born HERE, and not in Latvia.
Hence why English is actually my Mom's *2nd* language. Though you'd NEVER know it - especially that she didn't speak English until she was 4, and learned it from playing with neighbors from 'down south' - so she first spoke it with a drawl... Maybe that's why she married a man from North Carolina? ROFL
We were actually talking to my dad's *little* brother earlier tonight, the three of us (and sometimes Greyson), me, my dad, and my mom, hanging out around the speakerphone - while my mom and I quietly argued as to whether or not my Dad's drawl still exists in the depth that *I* say it does.
Hell, some of you KNOW my dad. How can you NOT know his roots?!?? LOL
Only time and more sweat and tears delving into these records will show just what else I may uncover for Greyson to stumble upon in his obviously INTERESTING family history.
If only I could uncover more about MetalliDad's side... but that's a WHOLE other post, and probably could spawn a good 10 or more stories all on it's own. Ahh, the wonders of being DEEPLY Italian. Heh.
Sung By Larissa at 8:28 PM
I have just determined that, via my playlist alone... I come off as having approximately 8 different people living inside my own brain.
Am I well-rounded? Or am I a FREAK when it comes to the ABSOLUTE variety of music that I will call GOOD?!?
EEK. Too much thinking for almost 3am...
Sung By Larissa at 2:42 AM
I had COMPLETELY had the intention of sharing my *weird* experience of the day with you all.
When my parents were first married, they had next to nothing. My dad, being a southerner, and Cherokee, and all that jazz... well, their first wedding bands were sterling bands inlaid with a pattern of triangles inlaid with crushed turquoise.
Mind you, these rings have *not* been worn for a MINIMUM of 15 years... since they have since 'upgraded,' or what have you.
Until today, I had NO CLUE (and neither did either of my parents, honestly) where my dad's ring, especially, was. If it was even in the HOUSE, since he used to be a jeweler on the side, and all the equipment was in the garage...
Anyhow, this evening, I stubbed my toe, like DRAMATICALLY so, on what seemed like the edge of an area rug in the upstairs livingroom.
Looking down, there's a *tiny* amount of a dark grey metallic-looking thing peeking out from under the edge of the rug.
I crouched down, lifted the edge, and lo and behold... my dad's first wedding band from his marriage to my mom was literally EMBEDDED down in the carpet fibers of the actual carpeting UNDERNEATH the area rug.
This area rug has only been there for... a year, maybe???
Total DUH moment, but uh, we wouldn't have laid the rug on TOP of my dad's ring.
I contemplated if Greyson SOMEHOW had discovered it and stuck it under there... but it was SO pressed into the underlying carpet that it would have been there for a LOOOONG time to be *that* deep, in my opinion. And to be honest... um, WHERE DID HE FIND IT, if that's the case??
What do you think?
Most of you know, I'm big of the spiritual aspect of the world... do you think maybe, just maybe, Mamaw decided, in her own little way, that she was okay... and since the woman was always DRIPPING in her sterling & turquoise... this was her way?
Or am I desperately grasping for some knowledge that she is at peace now?
Sung By Larissa at 1:26 AM
Yes, I know, it's technically tomorrow already. But ya know, that's the way it tends to go here in MMM Land.
It's currently 1:10am as I type this sentence and Greyson has only been asleep for...... wait for it...... 8 minutes.
Yes, my friends, he, for the SECOND NIGHT IN A ROW, has managed to hit the 1am mark without a nod-off. However, today... he didn't even take a *NAP*. Nothing. He was even WOKEN UP this morning by the phone call that prompted the gathering of myself and my parents communally to speak with the doctor in charge of my grandmother's care at around 10:15 this morning.
So, if anyone needs, I mean REALLY desperately needs to be kept awake for an all-nighter, say you're studying for mid-terms, or you just have some sick, twisted desire to know what it's like to be me and function on 20 hours (or less!) of sleep a WEEK!?? CALL ME. I will be right on over with the Amazing Autonomous Child, that apparently would rather make his mother *cry* out of sheer frustration that, gasp! go to SLEEP after a solid 14 hours of wakefulness.
He uses EVERY excuse in the book.
*I'm hungry (if you were SLEEPING like you SHOULD be, this wouldn't be an issue!).
*I'm thirsty (see answer above - still applicable here).
*I had a bad dream (When?! While you BLINKED??!!?).
*I can't sleep on this pillow (or apparently any OTHER pillow besides the one MOMMY is currently using... oh wait, that one's not good either).
*I'm hot (we're in the basement, and you're wearing a tee and shorts... with no blanket).
*I'm cold (at this point, while covered with *3* friggin COMFORTERS).
I'm at my wits end. Not only do I have insomnia ALL ON MY OWN... but the nights I think that I may *actually* have a chance at dozing off for a bit... he pulls one of THESE out of his back pocket.
He's only TWO. Shouldn't he still be needing, like, 13-14 hours of sleep per DAY? I mean, on a GOOD DAY, he gets about 11, counting nap time... on the rare occassions I can even GET a nap out of him anymore. If he DOES nap, it's usually LATE after he's proven himself to be WAYYYY too crabby to function on anywhere resembling a *normal* level, and he passes out. Seriously. We'll be all, "Where's Greyson?" - and find him crashed, face-down, in the bedroom at like, 5 or 6pm. Even THEN... I only let him sleep for about 30 minutes, and just deal with the tirade that typically ensues upon trying to roust this madman out of an apparent sleep-coma.
Do they make Ambien for kids??? I mean, I know it didn't help me, but C'MON NOW, Momma needs at least a SMALL grasp on what's left of her sanity!!
On the upside of things... I did manage to catch a couple episodes of Criss Angel. Mmm. AND, who would have thought, one of the assistants for his finale stunt on the show *almost* outdid him on the "Hotness Scale." Too bad he was a professional rodeo rider / bullfighter... pretty to look at, but you just KNOW he's gotta be rattling between the ears every time he takes a good, hard step. Shame.
I hope, at the close of the day, you can all say that yours was better than mine. Because right now, and I am FREELY admitting this... I am *so* looking forward to the appointment I booked for myself with a shrink in 10 days. I'm almost envisioning it as a vacation... yuck.
Sung By Larissa at 1:09 AM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Lola Mae Carter, my grandmother, passed away this morning at 11:49am CST.
She was a fantastic woman in my book. A wild Cherokee woman, and always seemed to never let to go to that little bit of "edge" that she had in her.
She was known for riding motorcycles, racing cars - hell, she even wrestled teh Fabulous Moolah in her younger days. We have a photo taken of her, in her late 30's or early 40's by my estimate, wearing a white cowgirl hat and boots... and probably the skimpiest bathing suit you could have found at the time, all 'posed' up like she was in it for a magazine spread.
She was, in NO way, a dull woman... nor did she leave this world without a heavy trail of memories.
Hell, she gave herself the gift of a boob job for her 70th birthday... while dating a trucker about half the age of my FATHER.
She never called me by my name... it was always "Angel" or more specifically, "her Angel." Every phone call, every card or letter, even on the envelope, was addressed to Angel... signed with love, from Mamaw.
I'll never, EVER forget you, Mamaw... you keep on riding, you keep on racing, you keep that jet-black hair that just never seemed to age when you did flowing behind you in the wind.
And you join the ranks of women who have passed before you, in becoming yet another watchful eye over your great-grandson.
She is being cremated, and yes, we will receive some of her ashes. And she will join the others, in our own little odd sanctuary here, with my other grandmother. I think we'll be adding my mother-in-law to the same shelf... where maybe they can share a story or two... and conspire as to what ELSE they can inspire in my son to make those of us who are left here a little more crazy, yet just a little more inspired... by how much they truly meant to us all.
I love you, Mamaw. We'll all miss you, always.
Lola Mae Carter
March 17th, 1931 - September 10th, 2007
Sung By Larissa at 2:02 PM