Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Such a Beautiful Day Outside, Such a Grievous and Chaotic Day Inside...

It is actually 70 degrees outside right now.  Here.  March in Chicago and it's NOT. SNOWING.

I haven't been able to get Greyson outside yet today, because I've been spending part of the day grieving a bit for an old school friend who, as of last notification, shot and killed himself yesterday.  That's the only information that I have, and it seems that everyone I know that was still in touch with him is at a standstill as far as information goes.

Another part of my day has been spent looking for the mysterious disappearing chicken, who, even after digging through two separate freezers, twice each,  until I could no longer feel my fingertips, was still missing... until I went back to the first freezer and GEE WHIZ!  It's in a DIFFERENT color bag than I was TOLD it was in, and I found it - after wasting a good 30-45 minutes of my day of trying to find it and then ALSO discovering that the corned beef I was going to make?  YEAH... all the makings for it got FROZEN.  So, dinner prep was a bit of a panic with a three year old who has decided that Mommy is NO longer boss of HIM running around and making me lose what little bit of sanity I have left.

The good news?  This term of college is DONE... finals and all.  And once again, PRAISE the friggin EVERYTHING (LOL) I am walking away with another 4.0.  WHEW!!!  I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull it off this term (friggin LAW class!), but FINALLY - I'm done.

Now I have Intermediate Algebra and Terrorism Today to tackle starting the 25th.  JOY!!!  =X
Now, honestly, I need to throw this question out here, because I'm hoping that someone, ANYONE, will have insight for me.

WHAT do you do with a three year old boy, who is reading and trying his hand at writing rather well, considering, that decides that, suddenly, one day, he is "the BOSS, and will do whatever (he) feels like or will say whatever (he) feels like saying?!?!?!"  Seriously people.  I am at my wit's end, seemingly, ONCE again, wondering just WHAT this kid is trying to DO to me!  No punishment touches him - he gets things taken from him, both actual physical items as well as privileges, he gets stuck in time out, he gets spankings (and even THESE don't phase him, so they are pretty much no longer used)... I'm lost.

He almost consistently wakes up too early, but absolutely WILL NOT NAP... I KNOW that part of the issue is him being overtired... but when an attempted nap time turns into nothing more than a screaming match... is it really worth it??  I can't just wait until he is THAT tired where he'll fall asleep without fighting, because that's pretty much DINNERTIME.  And then he will literally stay awake until at least 1 am.  No joke.

I feel myself getting stressed out more and more every day, and it's not helping matters - I KNOW this.  But it's harder and harder to gain control of the "take a deep breath and count to 10" kinda deal.  I just... get LOST in the moment and have no clue as to what step to take next.  I am trying to grasp tight to the notion that "Nobody Can Hurt Me Without My Permission" - but my GOD, is that difficult sometimes!!

As it stands, my blood pressure, which is normally so low that, while in labor, they thought I was going to pass out because the combination of my normally low pressure and the effects of the medication brought it to a staggering 80/52...  last night, my BP was 157/96.  I thought I was going to blow a gasket just looking at that number - I have NEVER had high blood pressure in my LIFE... and now suddenly THIS creeps up out of NOWHERE?  Something's not right... and something needs to be done SOON.

I had a 2nd MRI... and I have yet to make a followup with the neurologist.  WHY?  Because I'm SCARED.  Either I'm having surgery, or I'm being sent to yet ANOTHER pain clinic, except this time it's not PT, it's alternate drug therapies...  Neither sounds fun, believe me. 

I also have to determine when, if EVER, is a good time to start looking for internships.  I'm pretty much positive THAT'S not going to happen until the Fall or later, when I can get Greyson going in preschool...  it's just... NOT gonna work right now, that's for sure.

*sigh*  I'm stressed out TYPING this!  I need to try and take a breather...

0 Harmonizations: