Saturday, January 31, 2009

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back...

Well, just as I was starting to get convinced that 2009 truly WAS going to be much better than 2008... we got a phone call this afternoon.

My great-uncle in Roscommon, MI, passed away early this morning.  We are basically the only family that he had left, and none of us had seen him since March 5th, 2005, when Ralph and I drove up there from one of his shows in Ohio on the way home to pick up a car that he GAVE me... a 1988 Monte Carlo LS, in mint condition.  For nothing.  And then he mailed us a $1000 check a couple weeks later as a wedding gift.

He was up there - in his 90s - and the typical "Latvian age" temper and such had gotten to him a bit... but growing up, he was nothing but generous.  It was hard seeing him, even 4 years ago, because it was obvious had had at least a mild stroke already at that point.  That on top of a heavy accent that never left, and Ralph honestly understood almost none of what he said to him.

I feel like SHIT.  I was an absolute slacker, and hadn't gotten a letter or photos to him in FOREVER, and now it's too late.  I'm trying to be comforted by the fact that most of it probably wouldn't have registered much anyhow, since he had had a few strokes, and wasn't always "connected" - but then I am smacked by the fact that, whenever the chaplin at his nursing home would call us so that he could actually talk to some family, that the chaplin would relay the fact that "I love you"s brought tears to Uncle's eyes... I should have done more.  I just SHOULD have.

So the family has just been cut down by one more member... and like another member of the "family" said... all the Latvians that she and my mom grew up around are gone now, and it's like the torch is being passed down to them, and how much that scares her.  I can't even begin to tell you how much that scares me, too.  Because I have had to dance with my dad's mortality way too many times than I care to remember, and the fact that I see him in his bed everyday, in the same spot he was the last time I looked at him, doesn't help solidify anything other than that, either.

So, 2009 couldn't even bother to let us have a death-free first month.  If you all only knew how much I'm hoping that means that the rest will be spotless since it came on early...

4 Harmonizations:

Bea said...

I am so sorry for your loss Lari ~ if you need anything, I am here for you. I am sure your heartfelt thoughts and wishes he can hear now perfectly clear. Death is never an ending - its only a beginning. No matter how hard that is to see (though I think you can relate) - its only stopped on one end, ours..the scary materialism of life is only the spiritual beginning when it ends. I love you & hope you all are doing okay ~ xoxo

Larissa said...

Thank you so much Bea... leave it to you to know exactly what to say for it to *click* best with me.

moo said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Valerie said...

Sorry for your loss. Bea said things nicely so I will just echo the sentiments.