Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Speculums, Cheerleaders, and Singing Homeless, OH MY!

First off, let me just state that there are VERY few occassions where I am *unhappy* to be a woman - today being one of them. There's nothing like being invaded and stretched more than you should EVER be unless birthing a child by a foreign plastic (thank GOD, no longer frozen metal) object and having a small piece of you removed by something that rivals the sound of a small firecracker in your nether regions. *shiver*

I almost thought that I was in the wrong office, or that I had somehow made *that* kind of appointment at a doctor other than the one I needed. The waiting room was FILLED with children between the ages of 3 & 5, most crying &/or screaming in defense of having their skin barraged by needles. Hmm.

There was a particular little girl who was toting around an extremely nappy-headed blonde cheerleader "baby" that repeatedly sang a snippet of "Wiggle It, Just a Little Bit" everytime her foot was pressed. Oh, and the other foot provided the classic, "We're #1, we can't be #2, 'cuz we're gonna beat the WHOOPSIE outta you."

Yeah. The doll owner was three. Mom didn't seem overly concerned with the, um, shall we say, NON-preschoolish undertones coming out of said doll. Eek.

Meanwhile, there was a little boy SCREAMING like someone was sawing off his limns in one of the back rooms. Apparently, he was only there for a preschool check-up. No shots, even. Hmm, AGAIN.

THAT being said, what a FRIGGIN' day to be without my camera! (NO, not for my VISIT, ya nasties! heh.) For the drive home.

While sitting at a stoplight, I noticed a very-randomly-toothless man skip out of the gas station on the corner, dressed in what could be passed off as someone's work clothes after a day at the local Jiffy Lube. He proceeded to the sidewalk, and began to twirl and two-step, all while singing something that I now wish I had turned down my radio to hear... all to his miniature bottle of booze. Yep. He was serenading the 3oz. bottle of what looked to be Seagram's. (Don't look at me just because I HAPPEN to have a general idea of what particular liquor bottles look like! This story is about HIM, not me. Heh.) I think it took me half of the rest of my trip home to catch my breath from laughing so hard... had to be the most amusing thing OUTSIDE of things my own son does that I have seen in a LONG time. =P

All that being said, I'm hoping that the fact I was put BACK on my treasured Seasonique will stop the monthly follicular cysts that I have been getting about 2 weeks before the dreaded visit each month. Oh, and the debilitating cramps. Because, seriously? They have been rivaling the CONTRACTIONS from having Greyson. Uh-huh. So. Not. Cool.

Otherwise, a decent day - happy with the doc I saw, not SO happy with some of the results of the visit, but nothing permanent, nothing serious. ACTUALLY got Grey to take a nap today, even if it WAS half the usual duration.

Of course, now that I have added 2 MORE prescriptions to my daily load, Ralph *literally* asked me if I was starting a collection as I fished all the bottles out of my purse, thinking that I had just *not* thrown away bottles that had recently become empty. Heh. Nope, these are ALL the things I take at LEAST once daily. The look on his face was PRICELESS. I outnumber him 3-to-1 on his prescriptions... and he's diabetic. Heh. How's THAT for using our insurance to it's full capacity?!?

0 Harmonizations: