Monday, July 14, 2008

Can't sleep...

And I think it's just because I'm mentally *shitty.*

I'm thinking about this whole "wake" thing... and just really hoping that all goes smoothly.  And, well, the fact that it's just not a fun situation to begin with.

In a completely different situation, I feel screwed and left wondering what I did?  Or what I didn't do?  Or even if I did anything wrong at all... but any way you put it, there's a big chunk of me that's feeling pretty damn ugly, because it's all one-sided and leaving me questioning things all around.

Of course, my pain levels don't help *anything.*  In fact, I noticed today that I apparently hurt my knee worse than I thought after I came home Saturday night from one of the hubby's shows... stepped over the 'baby gate' and heard an actual crunching/tearing sound coming from my left knee... as it gave out from under me.  It *feels* better than it did at that point, luckily... but it's a rather UGLY deep blotchy purple that's spread around the entire vicinity.  YUM.  Now it matches the bruise on the OTHER knee from over a week ago that *still* hasn't faded... ugh.

I think this is the worst I have felt in a bit, and I just can't shake it.  I can't cry about it, I can't really get angry over it... it's just a *funk* that I can't quite put my finger on or ease up.  I was hoping that some sleep would buy me a bit of a reprieve, but apparently that's not in the cards as of yet.


It's times like these that make me wonder where exactly I stand on a lot of levels.  And how exactly I got there.  I just wish it was as easy to think out as it was for the issues to crop up in the first place.

2 Harmonizations:

Kari said...

I'm so sorry Larissa! I hope the pain subsides (physically and emotionally). It's amazing how much a person's passing can dredge up in us. Hugs to you!

Larissa said...

Thanks, Kari!